What would you do?

This weekend a couple of my friends from college are coming up to visit me. I’m really excited because I’m the one that always has to go down there. They haven’t been up to NJ in 3 years! Anyway while I couldn’t be more excited I just realized something:

Saturday is an engagement party for one of my oldest friends! It completely slipped my mind that her party was this weekend. It also doesn’t help that she never actually sent out invitations to anyone. I just know it’s this weekend because she told me about it once like 5 months ago.

Anyway I know it’s Saturday but I don’t even know when it starts or anything like that. She sent out a mass text (which I hate btw) telling people about the party but she didn’t even say a time! Oh and I didn’t even get the mass text, a bunch of my other friends got it and told me.

I’m assuming that she just didn’t mark my name while texting and that I am still invited, I’m the one who introduced them together, but I don’t know what I should do.

Do I not go and call her explaining why? Should I try and go for at least an hour with or without my friends?

What really gets me is that she didn’t specifically invite me but knowing her I know she will be upset if I don’t go. What also gets me is that she didn’t send out invitations to anyone.

While I get that my generation is all about technology and it’s viewed as old fashion to mail out physical invites and even thank you cards to people. I still believe that they should be mailed out. I think even e-mails can be tacky. The best kind of mail is the one where you open the letter with your own hands.

You’re getting married, you just bought a house, its time to grow up and send out freaking invites to people!

What is she going to do for the big day? A facebook event listing?

Ugh

Is anyone else sick of this Effing rain??

I would like some sun now.

One is the loneliness number

This past weekend was a blast. It really felt like summer, especially since it was so hot and humid out you couldn’t go outside for 2 seconds without sweating and your hair frizzing out! Anyway on Saturday my friends and I went to this bar that’s on the beach. It was for an event called Dunesday.

Basically, we got their at noon set up on the beach and tanned, went swimming, drank a lot, ate a lot and listened to music for the entire day. It was heaven. For the most part it was really nice out. It got cloudy and rained a little for like an hour but then the sky cleared back up again.

I had a blast but around 5:30 I was freezing and was covered in sand. I was just really uncomfortable. I headed home earlier than my friends but it gave me time to rest up for going out that night.

I was really tired so I wasn’t really up for going out that night. At the same time I didn’t want to be a Debbie downer either. The people who went out was my best friend, her boyfriend, our friend J and her friend from work S. S is a guy who is married but his wife was out of town that weekend.

That night he defiantly did not act like his was married at all. He was completely inappropriate with J. Like 2 seconds from making out inappropriate. I kept on calling him J’s husband for the day. (I would give some background on J herself but this post isn’t really about them) Also he wanted to fight people, which was really annoying and immature. What is with guys who are drunk just wanting to fight? However his actions were none of my business.

The thing that bothered me was when we were all on the dance floor dancing together. All of a sudden my friend and her BF started to dance together and then J and S started to bump and grind and there I was right next to them all by myself. I was so uncomfortable just standing there with what looked like 2 couples and a fifth wheel. Just thinking of it now makes me feel uncomfortable.

I am defiantly not one of those people who gets jealous of her friend’s happiness or when they date someone, but that night right there on the dance floor I felt lonely. Heart-wrenchingly lonely. I was on the verge of tears the loneliness was so strong. What surprised me the most were those feelings. I have never felt like that when I go out with my friends but I guess it was the mixture of awkwardness and the acute realization that I really want a someone special in my life that mad me so upset.

I feel like it’s impossible to meet anyone. I need put myself out there more but 1) I don’t really know how to and 2) I am still suffering from crazy self-esteem issues. I just feel like I’m in this weird Catch-22 right now. I want a boyfriend but at the same time I don’t want to have a boyfriend just so I can feel complete. I want to feel complete with or without a man in my life.

Despite that one moment, which really only lasted like a half hour I still had fun that night. The weekend was tapped off lying by my friend’s pool all day. Although it was so hot out that I was basically in the pool the entire time. My hands were like prunes when I got home!

Have you ever been that lonely? Or jealous of a friend’s happiness?

Rant

Today on the train I had the pleasure of sitting by a girl who literally talked on her cell phone the entire hour and ten minutes.

The best part?

The bulk of that conversation was about her finding a dress for Halloween!!!

Did I miss something? It is still July right? Who the hell starts to freak out about getting a costume now?!?!?

Then she was going on and on about her job as a camp counselor and how hard it was. Really? It's hard?? Really? Playing outside with kids all day is hard? I was a lifeguard and Swim teacher for rowdy kids and I loved every minute of it. I defiantly don't remember it being hard.

Then she was complaining about how young she looks and she is worried about it being a problem for when she goes on vacation and getting trashed. Which was actually funny to hear because that was defiantly a concern of mine when I was younger. And actually still is. Sucks having a baby face.

However I would have never talked about it when I was in a train where the whole car can hear me! I don’t like to inform the world about private matters, but that’s just me.

She went on about a few other things but I won’t relay them back. I just don’t understand why people talk on a cell phone so loudly. Or why do you talk on a cell phone on a train that is dead silent. You have to realize that everyone can hear you right? Maybe she thought she was cool talking about these things. Which really wouldn’t surprise me. If it was me? I would feel like an ass.

End rant.

Love/Hate

Loves
-The sale at Nordstrom. Hello beautiful clothes that are actually affordable. Oh and the shoes!
-Can’t get enough of the shoes.
-True Blood. I defiantly am going to pick up the books soon. I am dying to find out what’s going to happen!
-So you think you can dance. That show is so good this year that I don’t even have a favorite yet. -I can’t wait for tomorrow!My dog. He is just adorable and trouble maker, which is too cute that I can’t get mad.

Hate
-Leaving my dog to go to work or anywhere really. He actually starts to cry.
-That I have no while power when it comes to certain things like shopping and eating food I shouldn’t be.
-That it’s only Tuesday
-Being bored at work.

Excited
-Getting to leave work soon
-My friends coming to visit in 2 weeks.
-Jamaica!!!

How are you feeling today?

Weekend tidbits

Finally booked my plane ticket to Jamaica!!! The third person I was supposed to go with kept on delaying us about buying the tickets and then last minute he backed out. What pissed me off is that he probably decided months ago that he wasn’t going to go but didn’t have the decency to let us know and we waited like idiots for him to buy the tickets. Whatever. In my opinion it’s his loss. Now that it’s booked I’m really excited about everything!! I can’t wait!

Friday I took my cousins to the boardwalk. I haven’t been to the boardwalk, like walk around play games and go on rides, in years. I usually go there and go to a bar. I defiantly remember it being much bigger and a lot more stuff to do. I guess that's what happens when you get older. You remember everything being much bigger than it was. We were ready to leave after only a half hour. I was still happy to go though. I got to eat Dippin Dots so I was happy.

Since the boardwalk was kinda a bust we went to see the new Harry Potter movie. It was so good! I love these movies! I can’t wait for the next one! Also I really think I might finally read the books so I can get all the subplots and stuff.

The rest of the weekend was spent with me working on my tan. The weather was amazing and I had a blast spending time with my cousins on Saturday.

How was your weekend?

6th sense

My dog almost puked on my bed this morning! I woke up to him making those noises that dogs make when they are about to blow and I quickly put him on the floor before there was a HUGE mess. Not the best way to start my morning.

I’ve been all messed up with my days this week. On Monday I thought it was FRIDAY (HA I wish!). Wednesday felt like Tuesday and today feels like a Monday. I’m so confused! Also I love how each day of the week conveys certain feelings!

This weekend I plan on taking my cousins to the boardwalk. I haven’t been to the boardwalk all summer so I think I may be more excited then they are to go!

I still have not bought my plane tickets for my trip to Jamaica. All this crap keeps on happening to prevent me from buying them and I’m starting to freak out. Every day I go online and see that the prices are even higher then they were last time. I keep on having this recurring nightmare that I’m just not going to be able to go. I will feel better once the tickets will be booked, which I hope happens this weekend.

Have you ever had a paranoid feeling that something is wrong? Like deep down in your gut you feel like something bad is going to happen? I’ve had that feeling ALL day and I can’t seem to shake it. I would like to just pin point the reason so I can deal with it and go away. Hopefully I will feel better tomorrow.

Have you experienced this? Even better have you experienced that and find out that something WAS wrong? That’s happened to me before. It was freaky.

Blowing Bubbles*

This past weekend was so beautiful out! I was in heaven. Got to go to the beach both days to enjoy the sun. I also started teaching swim lessons to a friend’s son. I forgot how cute and fun it was!

When I was a lifeguard I was certified in teaching swim lessons and taught for 4 summers. It was a blast! I haven’t done them in years but when I was asked to start training their 3-year-old son I couldn’t say no. They are just the cutest at that age while learning.

I was lucky because the boy wasn’t afraid of the water, which is usually half the battle when dealing with kids that young. He was fearless. I miss being that young and not afraid to try anything.

I’m looking forward to teaching some more lessons. He’s still pretty young so he probably won’t be able to swim on his own by the end of the summer, but next year he will be a fish!

Also I think my friends from college might be finally making a trip to visit me this summer! It’s hard with everyone’s schedules but I really hope it works out. They haven’t been up here in 3 years (I always go there) and when they visited there were some mishaps that happened. They vowed to never return but I am slowly convincing them to give it another try! I’ll keep you posted on what they decide.


I can’t believe it’s already mid-July. I feel like this summer is flying by! It needs to slow down a little bit!

*A technique I use when teaching kids how to swim

No more excuses

Something seems to finally have clicked with me. I don’t know how or why but I seem to finally be ready to get healthy and in shape. I’m tired of feeling sluggish all the time. I want to be able to walk up a flight of stairs without getting out of breath.

While I’ve had a problem with my weight for a long time, I’ve never done anything about it. I’ve never dieted because I was too scared that I would fail. I also didn’t want to become one of those serial dieters who spend their whole lives trying a new diet and constantly talking about their diet. In reality I don’t want to be on a diet. I just want to eat better and in proportion.

I can’t blame my weight on genetics or anything. When I was younger I was thin. It wasn’t until my parents split up that I actually started to gain weight. Talk about a textbook case. Girl’s parents spilt up, girl is depressed, girl eats to make herself feel better. Then after I wasn’t depressed anymore, I just kept on eating. There was a time in high school when I lost some weight and I felt great. I wasn’t a size 2, I’ll never be. I was around a size 12 but most importantly I was healthy. I felt great. I want to get back to there. I want to feel good about myself again. I’m tired of digging myself into this lonely hole. I’m ready to feel like me again.

The only problem? I don’t know where to start. Like I’ve said before I’ve never attempted to diet so I don’t really know where to start with it. Also when it comes to working out there isn’t really any time during the week I could do this. I’m gone for 13 hours each day. Plus I don’t want to take on too much at once because I know I will just give up. I’m the person who wants to go on a diet and loose all the weight within the month. Which I know is A) not possible and B) really unhealthy. I still wish I could though.

I took the first step the other day and joined this website called SparkPeople. It’s a community for people trying to loose weight. What appealed to me is it’s not about a diet; it’s about a healthy lifestyle. There are tons of tools and tips that you can use to incorporate into your daily routine. The best part and the main reason why I joined? Is the site has a nutrition tracker. Every day you just type in what you ate and it calculates all the calories, fat and protein in it. I don’t have to do the math. It’s all done for me!

This makes me optimistic that I will keep up with this because the main thing I hate about diets is the keeping track and adding up everything each day. It’s tiring and too cumbersome for me. This basically gives me no excuses.

Let me just say when I logged in my first day of food I was mortified by the amount of calories I had consumed. I always told myself that while I wasn’t eating the best foods I was eating everything in proportion. Boy was I wrong. My eating is/was out of control. Seeing this, really made me start thinking about the food choices I make each day. Which I’ve never done in the past.

Another great thing about the website, is there are recipes and even a group for people who are picky eaters! I am a very picky eater which has also discouraged me in the past about dieting. Hopefully this will help!

Now I have to go out and buy a scale, which frightens the hell out of me. I’m actually really embarrassed to buy one. I know that sounds silly but it’s true. I feel like if I buy a scale everyone in the store will think “aww poor fat girl trying to lose weight”. Which is ridiculous but I can’t help it!

Do you have any tips for losing weight? Or what was the craziest diet you’ve ever had?

Contentment

I had a really nice long weekend. It was really laid back which was exactly what I needed.

Friday I went to the beach in the morning and it was great, until it started pouring at noon. Which was fine. I tend to get ADD if I’m at the beach for to long. I can’t seem to sit still. I got to the beach early that day so I was about ready to leave when it started to get cloudy. The rest of the day was me just relaxing followed by a trip to Ulta to use a gift card I got for my birthday. I love Ulta. I can literally spend hours in there wandering around.

Also I went to a friend’s house for a BBQ. Every year on the 3rd there is fireworks near me. It’s a really big event and loads of people come down. I love them but because of the amount of people we have to park about 2 miles away and walk to where they are. I’ve done it before but this year I was just not feeling it. I knew my foot wouldn’t be able to handle all the walking and standing so I just went to the BBQ and left when they all started walking. Honestly I wasn’t even that bummed out about missing them.

Saturday I headed to the beach again. I left really early to beat the traffic and it was gorgeous out! No humidity, plenty of sun and a nice breeze. To me there is nothing better then being on a beach reading a book. It was a great way to celebrate the holiday. The water was also really nice. It wasn’t crazy cold like it usually is. After I got bored I headed home to enjoy the rest of the day watching movies.

Sunday I went to a BBQ at family friends. It was good to see them and enjoy the day outside like that.

I was sad to have to go back to work today. It was such a nice weekend I didn’t want it to end! Also it made me sad that I have to wait almost 2 months until my vacation!! I ready to have a break NOW.

How was your Fourth of July?

Red White and Blue

I still have some major writers block going on. I just can’t seem to form words on paper. Also doesn’t it seem like everyone is up and quitting their blog??? I hate that! I feel like I’m losing a friend each time that happens. It’s so strange how you can feel like you know someone so well even though you’ve never actually meet them before! Even though I may not be blogging as much right now, I will keep it up!! I’m way to invested in it now!

I’ve also been under the weather for the past two weeks, which may be why I don’t feel like writing or doing anything in general. I have this cough that makes me sound like a 90-year-old smoker and everyone around me cringes each time I cough. On Friday I finally caved in and went to the doctor. After waiting over an hour to see her, she told me I basically wasn’t sick enough. My throat wasn’t red enough, the cough not phlegmy enough, and my nose not stuffed up enough. WTF is that? Who says that?

On a whim she decided to do a strep test just in case. On Monday she called to let me know that I do have Strep Throat!! Even though I hate to be sick, I was happy that I there was something wrong with me if it was only to prove her wrong! Monday I started anti-biotics and hopefully this whole thing will be gone in a few days.

Even though it’s the 4th of July this weekend I don’t really feel like being all that social. I just want to rest up and start feeling better. I haven’t had a good night sleep in weeks and it’s really starting to take its toll on me. Also after last weekend I really don’t’ think my liver can handle any more drinking. I don’t want to miss anything either. I’m just going to play everything by ear.

On the plus side my office gave us Friday off to make it a long weekend! Also they are letting us leave early tomorrow!! I’m really happy about that!!

What are your plans for this holiday weekend?