It's just a number...

A few weeks ago I mentioned that I went to a bachelorette party. While I did have a blast, there was something that caused me a lot of pain and embarrassment. Something that I wasn’t sure I really wanted to talk about here, but I need to get it off my chest since I haven’t talked about it to anyone.

For the party the bridesmaids wanted to buy shirts and decorate them. When they sent out the evites they asked everyone to respond with what size shirt you would need so they can buy the clothes. Cue me having a panic attack. All the girls going to the party were thin, except for me. Here they are putting down their sizes, small, medium, extra small…. and I was supposed to put down MY size? My plus sized number???

I honestly did not know what to do. I was mortified just having to tell them a number, and then even more embarrassing what if they went to a store that did NOT even have my size?? Finally I summoned up the courage to e-mail directly one of the girls that I know pretty well and ask her more about the whole shirt thing. I told her that my sizes tend to differ store to store and where were they going to go and get the shirts? I figured that way they would e-mail me first so I would know if I would even fit in that store. If not I could just tell them I would buy my own shirt somewhere else and give it to them, with the label of course cut out.

She got back to me saying that they were going to go to Old Navy. Yay!! A store that I can actually fit in!!! Even though I was happy about that, I still had to tell her what size to buy. I summoned up all my courage and told her to please get me the 2X shirt.

Thankfully she was really sweet and understanding about the whole thing, but at the same time I couldn’t help but wonder if she was secretly judging me. Chances are there was a least some thought that went through her head about my actual size. Or maybe that’s just me being paranoid and so self-conscious.

Then came the actual night. With my anxiety I spent the whole day freaking out. What if the shirt didn’t fit? Or what if they had to buy a different style shirt because the ones everyone else had didn’t have my size? I was a mess. The shirt fit!! And I didn’t look totally out of place with the rest of the girls. After that I was able to breath and just have a good time. Even though the night was fun I still can’t help but wonder, did she tell the other girls what size I am? Did they judge me at all when I was out with them because of my size? I’ll never know, and honestly I don’t want to know.

This was a definite wake up call for me. I really need to get off my ass and start being pro-active about losing weight. I am so unhappy with how I look. I will never be comfortable with my size, and it’s up to me and me alone to change that. I have to change my eating habits and start working out again.

I know it’s going to be almost impossible for me, with my work schedule and the fact that I’m the queen of excuses, but I’m really determined to not get stuck. In order for me to be happy I need to lose weight. I’m not expecting to look like a model, I would just be happy being a size 12. I writing this here with the hopes that it will inspire me to follow through.

Wish me luck!!

Spring Cleaning

This past Sunday was cold and rainy. The perfect day to stay in and clean out my room.

I've been meaning to do this for a while now, but life, and my laziness, got in the way. I was determined to finally clean out this weekend.

I was able to get rid of a lot of clothes. 2 black garbage bags worth!! I just have to take them to a clothing drop box. Even though I got rid of so many items, my closet still seems to be really full. Granted in a better order and I can see everything, but I feel like I have too much still. There were some items that were in the "maybe I will wear this again" pile. I just couldn't part a nice item of clothing that still fits, even if I haven't worn it in over a year. I did tell myself though that if i don't wear it at least once before the fall it WILL go bye bye.

There is also a lot of work clothing that I bought forever ago when I was on the job search. My office is super casual so most of these have never seen the light of day. Including a very nice suit with the tags still on them. I saved these because I plan on donating them to Dress for Success. I love the concept of them and it's nice to know that my suit could help a person get a much needed job. I just need to pack them up into a box so I can mail them away. Once I do that and get rid of the maybe's come fall my closet will look really good.

I also tossed a bunch of old makeup, old receipts and papers that I didn't need anymore, shoe boxes, and other items. That filled up one giant garbage bag and I can officially look through my desk drawers without having a panic attack!!

It felt soo good to do this. I was on such a roll that I changed my sheets and washed my comforter. By the time I went to bed I was in my own little place of peace and tranquility.

Do you like to clean out your closets or do you tend to hold onto items forever?

Bleh

This past weekend I went up to Connecticut to visit some friends. All week leading up to it I was so excited. Then the day came and I just was not feeling it.

Maybe it was because my brother and his wife came up to visit that weekend and I wasn’t going to see them as much as I wanted. Or maybe for the past month I’ve been away or doing something crazy that I just wanted to hang low. Either way, as soon as I was up there I wanted to go home. I kept trying to boost myself and get excited but I was falling flat. Then I called to tell my mom I got there safely (yes I still do this, she worries) and in the background I heard what sounded like a big fun party going on at my house. That really bummed me out.

I decided to just shake it off and just fake it til I made it. I put on a happy face and joined in the festivities. Gradually I started to genuinely enjoy myself and then with a few drinks and a lot of laughs I was having a blast. By the morning I was really happy I went. The night was not without some drama, but it just made it more interesting and I felt like I was back in college. I was happy I got to see my friends, some who I hadn’t seen in at least 6 months. I was happy to go out and just have a good time.

Plus when I got home on Sunday my brother and his wife were still there so I still got to spend some quality time. The wife is about 8 months pregnant and she looks adorable!!!!! I can’t believe I’m going to be an Aunt in just one month! I’m going to spoil that kid rotten. This weekend I plan on doing absolutely nothing and I couldn’t be more excited. I really need a weekend to relax and recharge my batteries!!

Here comes the party!

Last weekend I headed down to Atlantic City for a bachelorette party. It was so much fun!!!

Whenever I go to AC I always stay at the Tropicana, but the girls reserved a room at the Hilton. In my opinion it’s the best place to stay. There is a ton of stuff to do and you don’t ever have to worry about leaving the hotel. The Hilton wasn’t bad at all. The rooms were a decent size, but we barely spent any time in the casino there or anything.

We went to dinner at Carmines at the Tropicana. It was delicious. I have never eaten there before but it was amazing. The only thing was it was very expensive, but it was a special occasion so it was fine. While we were eating, another bachelor party came to our table. They were doing a scavenger hunt and asked if they could take a picture with us.

Then they asked one of the other girls if she would take off her bra and give it to the groom to take a picture with. He gave her 30 bucks for doing that!! We were making a lot of noise but nothing too crazy, however the manager of the restaurant came over and kicked us out of the place!! It was good that we were done eating so it didn’t really matter, but I have never been asked to leave a place before! lol.

We headed back to our hotel to play some games. Before we left the Trop though, some of the girls wanted to just play a slot machine. I played one of the poker games and managed to win 56 dollars in like 2 minutes!!!!! I NEVER win when I gamble. I’m lucky to just break even. I was so happy to get that, especially from a quarter game.

Back in the room we played some games and then we were given matching shirts to wear out. The bride got a black tank top that said “Here comes the bride” and the rest of us wore pink tank tops that said “Here Comes the party”. Now normally I really hate when people wear those shirts, but they were pretty cute and I was pretty drunk by then so I didn’t really mind. THEN they made us were little tiaras, and the bride had a giant white crown with a veil. That was a little much but again I was drunk so I didn’t really care. lol. Plus it was kinda fun. Everywhere we went we were stopped by people. Defiantly a conversation started. We walked back to the Tropicana (again: very annoying to walk back and forth) where we spent the rest of the night dancing and just having a great time. We also did a scavenger hunt for the bride, but she barely completed anything. The items we did accomplish were hilarious AND we didn’t have to pay anyone to do it!

It was a great night. The only thing was my feet were killing me. Since my bff was getting tired we left earlier than the rest of the girls. Walking back to our hotel was an experience. My feet were on fire and there was a sketchy ass man following us back!! I almost broke out into a run because he was really freaking us out. I’m just happy I wasn’t alone.

The next day I woke up hangover free (thankfully). It was a blast!! I love going to AC and I can’t wait to go down again.

Happy Anniversary!

I completely missed my blog’s two year anniversary!!! I can’t believe it. As of March 27th I have been blogging for two years!!!!! I never in a million years thought I would keep up with this for so long.

I would always try to write into diaries but I never kept up with them. I think the biggest difference here is that I know people are reading this so it boosts my motivation to keep going. I defiantly feel part of a community and I hope to continue this for many more years to come.

Last year I tried to think of something fun to celebrate but this year I can’t think of anything. So if any of you have a meme or questions to ask me please do!!! Any lurkers please come out and say HI!

Statue of Liberty Pics

Here are some pictures I took last weekend at the Statue of Liberty and Ellis Island

View from the ferry to the Statue

Her foot inside the museum

The little shoes I told you about at Ellis Island

Me arriving to America...

In your Easter Bonnet...

On Sunday was Easter and it could have not been a more perfect day. For the first time we ever ate outside in the 20 or so years my Aunt has hosted Easter. The weather was that nice.

I don't know what it is but I feel like whenever you eat dinner, or gather with family and friends, in an outdoor setting it always seems more fun or magical then if you were indoors. Maybe that's just me, but I love me some outdoor socializing.

Anyway the day was so much fun. We ate ourselves silly. My grandma made homemade pasta and ravioli and this may have been the last time she ever makes them. She has pretty bad arthritis in her hands and it killed her to make this. It's just too much to ask of her to do it again.

I really want to try and do it myself. Carry on the tradition. I've made them once before and it was okay. Nothing like hers but with practice maybe I can get close. Maybe next Easter it'll be my cooking that everyone raves about!

Are there any holiday traditions that you and your family have?

Field Trip

This past weekend was a blast. It was gorgeous out and I really took advantage of that.

On Saturday I took my two cousins (twins) to the Statue of Liberty and Ellis Island. I have lived in NJ my whole life and I had NEVER been. I was so excited, especially since my grandparents on my mom’s side and great-great grandparents came through Ellis Island.

Even though we couldn’t have asked for better weather it was really cold by the water. Luckily we brought sweatshirts, otherwise we would have froze! Our first stop was Ellis Island. I couldn’t believe how big it is. It was great to see the museum, all the pictures, luggage, and even shoes from people who were there. I also was able to find my grandpa’s name on the wall in the back! I could not find my grandma’s name, but I was happy to have found at least one!

It was Scottish week there so all over the place there were men playing bag pipes. That really added to the day! There was a place inside that you could look up your family’s documents and any kind of paperwork that they might have from when your family came through. I really wanted to do this, but the line was really long and we still had yet to see the Statue of Liberty. I defiantly want to go back and do this though. I think it would be really cool to see them!

After a few hours there we headed over to the Statue of Liberty. By then my feet were starting to hurt, but I was determined to at least go to the top of the pedestal. There is a museum inside the statue that you can see up close just how big the feet of the statue and the face are. Then I took the elevator, my cousins walked, up to the top of the pedestal. It was really high up. I got a little anxious looking over the ledge! We didn’t go to the top of the crown, we were all way too tired to try and walk up all those steps! I was just happy to finally be able to see it up close and personal.

By the time we got back to my car, I thought my feet were going to fall off!! We were there for over 5 hours and I’m defiantly not used to standing for that long of a time. To give ourselves a break, we went to the movies after. We saw the Last Song, which is actually really cute. Typical Nicholas Sparks kinda story but really cute. The twins were adorable, and paid for my ticket since our field trip was my treat. Isn’t that sweet??

I did take tons of pictures but I haven’t had a chance to upload them onto my computer. I will try and put some up later this week!