My last year in my 20s!

Friday is my 29th Birthday!! While I am so so happy to say good riddance to 28, it has been a shitty year, I am nervous about being 29. Only because I'm making so many changes in my life that I sometimes wish I was younger than I am. Going back to school at 29, for something completely new is terrifying.

It's also something I know without a doubt the right move for me right now. And I know that I would have never been able to pursue baking and culinary without having gone through what I've been through in the past. I find it ironic that I took me losing over a 100 pounds to discover my passion in cooking, but it's true.

When I was heavy I couldn't imagine standing up for long periods of time. Hell I wouldn't even go out to bars when I was overweight for fear of not being able to find a seat. Me losing weight has opened up an entire new world for me. And oddly I'm not even a little bit worried that I'll gain this weight back by becoming a baker. I know better now, I know how to enjoy myself and find balance with my eating.

Growing up, I never pictured myself with a desk job. I wanted to be a makeup artist, a photographer, a chef, anything that was non-traditional. My mom and my fears forced me to study something more realistic when choosing a major in college. It was fear that made me stay stagnant for many years. Fear of the unknown. Fear of actually succeeding and not knowing what to do next. Fear of being happy for once in my life.

I had a lot of growing up to do, and learning to love and accept myself in order to go after what I want in life. That took roughly 28 years to get here, and that was the way it had to happen. I'm still scared of what's to come, but I know to trust myself now and to go forward. I know that even in failure, I'll be able to pick myself back up again and move on. I know how strong I can be and that is worth everything.

As a gift to myself for 29, I'm taking my birthday and all of next week off from work!! WHOOO HOOO! I cannot wait to relax and hopefully enjoy a lot of beach time! Happy 4th of July if I don't check back in while I'm gone.

Week Long Celebration (pictures)

I turned 28 on June 28 last week. It was my golden birthday so to speak. Since it was such a big day, I packed my week full of fun activities! I was a little too ambitious and I'm still exhausted from all my celebrating.

Last Wednesday I went to see the Beach Boys in concert. I love love love the Beach Boys. I've seen them in concert at least 6 times. They were my first concert ever and I've been hooked since. The place was packed. We got lawn seats but even on the lawn we have to squeeze into a spot. They look terrible, but they still sound AMAZING. Seriously I can't even believe how awesome they were. It was one of the better concerts I've ever been too.

Here I am at the concert with my friends.

Then on my Birthday I had to go to work. However after work a bunch of my friends from work we all went out for drinks at this local dive. I drank way too much. I don't know what got into me but I went to town.

Here we are doing a shot in my honor.

Me using a pool cue as a microphone....

It was so much fun, we were there for a really long time. I got pretty sick once I got home too. What's worse was I had to go to work in the morning. That was not fun. Then that night on Friday, for my birthday my friend got my concert tickets to see Badfish on a boat that went around NYC. It was beautiful out but really hot.

I thought it would be cooler on the water but it was really hot out. Everyone on that boat was a sweaty mess. It was still a lot of fun though. The band was awesome, they sound just like Sublime. And it was gorgeous being on the water. It was a great birthday gift.

Here I am on the ship

My friends and I next to the Statue of Liberty

Then to wrap it up on Saturday I went out with my gym family. We went to a resturant that looks right onto the ocean. It was a lot cooler on Saturday thankfully so we were able to sit outside and enjoy the night. It was a great way to wrap up my week long birthday celebration!

My trainers

Enjoying the night out!

I had a great Birthday. I know a lot of people dread getting older and getting closer to 30, but I'm in the best place right now. I am looking forward to what 28 will bring me. I have a feeling it's going to be a wonderful year. If it's even half as good as 27 treated me, then I know it'll be amazing.



Best. Birthday. Ever

Well my birthday isn't until tomorrow, but I had the best birthday weekend!!! I made my goal of getting under 200 by my birthday, so it was a double celebration!

On Saturday I went to my gym and met up with my friends that were going to celebrate with me. I made a speech about how much I've changed and how different I am from last year. I basically bawled my eyes out. lol. Then it was time to party!!!



One of my friends made me this big jug of Malibu Bay Breezes!!!



My trainer ordered a stretch HUMMER to take us out to the bar. I have never had someone do something like this for me before. I was so excited and felt so loved!!!!



This was my crew for the evening. I was so touched that so many people wanted to come and celebrate my birthday with me. I've never had people make a big deal about my birthday before. It felt wonderful.



The inside of the hummer!



Me and my Best friend. Getting out drink on. lol



Having a blast. Please not the glow sticks in my shirt! lol.



We went to this bar called the Colorado Cafe. It was so much fun!! They had a mechanical bull!



It was so much fun but really hard! I fell off a bunch of times!



YEE HAW!!!!!



It was a great night. I had a blast!!!! This is something that I will always remember and keep close to my heart. What an amazing party!!!!!

Short Week!

I am so happy. Today is my Friday!! Whoo hoo!!!!

With my sister in law and niece in town, I really wanted to take a few days off to spend time with them. I am so looking forward to just being able to relax at home. I always feel like when you go away somewhere on vacation, you need another few days to recover when you get home! lol. So it'll be nice to be able to sleep in and just do whatever I please.

This week is going to be pretty awesome. Spending time with my family tomorrow and Friday and then on Saturday is my big birthday bash!!! I just know I'll hit my goal by then. I can't wait! We are going to this like country western bar that is in northern jersey. There is a mechanical bull! Something I've always wanted to do! Plus my gym ordered a car service so no one has to worry about driving.

I've never had a big birthday thing like this thrown for me before. It really feels amazing to have people care about me like this and throw me a party like this! I am the luckiest person!

I won't be blogging until Monday or Tuesday probably. But I will hopefully have pictures to share with you all!!! Have a great week!!

June is Here!!

This week has been flying by!! I cannot believe it's June!!!

My weekend was pretty fun. I didn't get to go the Mets game, there was all these problems that happend. I was bummed I didn't get to go, but I also wasn't that surprised things fell apart. A friend of a friend's husband was planning the outing. Things like that never work out, especially when people are lazy and dont' want to bother making an actual plan.

I was kind of glad I didn't go though. I was really hungover all day Saturday. I had a headache that just did not want to go away! I had a blast at the PBA Ball. It was fun to get all dressed up. It felt like a wedding, DJ, open bar and lots of dancing. Plus there was a chinese auction. I didn't win anything, but that's okay. It was just fun to hang out with friends like that. I just paid for it dearly the next day. lol

I did get to go to a BBQ on Monday. It was so hot out and they had a pool so I was able to get my first swim in!! I love love the water and can spend hours at a time in it. I got a little color and it felt nice to just lay on a float in a pool. I have a feeling this is going to be a good summer!

My birthday is at the end of June. The 28th. Since I've lost so much weight, my personal trainer (who is also a friend) told me that if I get under 200 pounds by June 25th, she is getting a car service and we are going to a country western bar that's in northern NJ!! It's been a goal I've been working toward for a few months now. It is getting so close!! I am only 6 pounds away!! I am working my butt off to hit that goal!! I can't even remember the last time I was under 200 pounds. It actually boggles my mind that I've gotten this far!

It's also a lot of pressure on me to get this done. There are a ton of people from the gym that are planning on going!! Every day they ask me for updates. It's a little nerve racking but at the same time it's really making me push myself! I have a little over 3 weeks to hit this goal!! Wish me luck!!!

300!!!!!!!

This is my 300^th post!!!! I can’t believe it!!! I can’t believe I’ve kept this up for so long!

I love having a space where I can go to talk about my life and frustrations, and even get amazing feedback back! I hope to keep this up for a very long time!!

This has been a crazy week for me. It was my birthday on Monday and then I started my new job yesterday!!! So many changes, so little time to think!

First my birthday. It was great. On Sunday I went out with some friends to this amazing Bar on the beach where I proceeded to get a little tipsy. lol. Then Monday my friend took me to get my nails done as part of my birthday gift from her. Then we spent the day lounging by her pool getting some color. Later I went to dinner with my mom and brother. It was great. A nice laid back day to celebrate turning a year older.

Tuesday, I was pretty surprised when I woke up not really being nervous at all. Usually I would be a wreck, but today I was okay, a pretty good omen if anything. My trip was less than half the time it usually is which was amazing. Then when I got there they had bought me breakfast so I could meet with everyone. How sweet is that?? Then I just dove right in. They already had this big project for me to work on so I’m doing this, while learning the ropes. Plus the lady who is training me is beyond awesome. She is so sweet and patient with me. I’ve already learned tons from her. I’m taking over her position when she leaves but I know she’ll leave me with plenty of knowledge!

Everyone here has been really nice to me. They are like one big family. Plus they definitely have some great perks. For summer Fridays here I now get to leave at 12:30. Every Wednesday they give us FREE lunch!!!! Plus the greatest benefit of all. Me actually leaving at 5 and getting home before 6!!! Last night I didn’t even know what to do with myself. It was great to come home and just be able to relax.

I can’t wait to see what else this new job has in store for me and also this new life I’m making for myself!

The other side of 25

Monday is my birthday! It definitely sneaked up on me this year. This whole year seems to be flying by.

Last year when I turned 25, I wasn't too happy about that number. I decided to celebrate big anyway. It was 3 nights of non-stop partying and fun. Perfect for that milestone.

26 will be much more laid back. I am off work on Monday. So I plan on going to a nearby bar thats on the beach on Sunday, and just hang out with friends and have fun. The actual day of my birthday my friend is taking me to get my nails done and then out to lunch. Then I'll probably go out to dinner with my mom and brother. A pretty nice and relaxing day and I can't wait!!

I'm not dreading this birthday as much as I did last year. I'm pretty zen about turning a year older. With this new job and really new outlook on my life, I really feel like things is just about to begin.

I look forward to the year ahead and everything that will happen!

Party Bus

This weekend was amazing. It was my best friend’s 25th birthday and she decided to get a party bus to take us out so no one would have to worry about driving. I’ve never been on a party bus before.

They are awesome! The inside looks like a really big limo. Black leather seats that goes all the way around the bus. Lighting on the ceiling that sparkled and you could make however bright or low you wanted. They had an Ipod hook up and XM radio with surround sound speakers. It was like your very own club. The driver was really cool and thankfully took his time taking us to where we were going.

There were 12 of us in total and we just went crazy. It was one of those nights where everyone has a good time and there is no drama or problems at all. The next morning I was actually sore from dancing all night long!

I hadn’t had a night like that in a while and it was just what I needed.

Me and the birthday girl

Aerial Shot at the club

The Party never stops

I’m officially 25 years old!

I can’t believe I’m 25, sometimes I still feel like a teenager.

Also it’s my 200th post!!! I can’t believe that either!!

Despite being really freaked out about turning 25 I decided to celebrate the occasion right. By right I mean basically celebrating from Thursday until Sunday my actual birthday!

Thursday I left work early and came home to spend some time with my family. Then some friends and I went to a bar nearby. I proceeded to drink way too much. I was happy though because my brother who has been away for the past year came out for a little while. I had barely seen him since he got home on Tuesday so I was happy to have some time with him out. Also I managed to run into a ton of people that I knew so it was great seeing all of them and just having fun.

Friday I was supposed to go see No Doubt in concert. A bunch of us gathered at my friends to have a BBQ and drink before going to the concert. The venue no longer allows tailgating. Anyway one friend was stuck in a lot of traffic so we were waiting for her to get here. When she did arrive, 30 minutes before the concert was supposed to start, it started to downpour and there was crazy thunder and lighting out.

Since our tickets were for lawn seats the going to the concert was quickly forgotten about. While I really wanted to go to the concert, I was happy I didn’t get stuck outside in the rain and lighting like that. Also the tickets were only 15 dollars so I wasn’t to upset about missing it. We just ended up staying in at my friends drink and laughing. Which was just fine by me. Oh and the best part!?!? My friend got me a special ice cream cake with a picture of me when I was little on it! It was seriously the best ice cream cake EVER. I put a picture below!

Saturday my brother had some friends over to visit since he hasn’t seen them in 6 months. I too had some friends stop by so it turned into a nice little gathering. My brother’s friend made chicken wings and his secret sauce and they were delicious! Also he brought over a beer pong table. The whole day was centered around drinking, eating and playing beer pong. I had a blast.

That night I decided to ring in my actual birthday at this bar/club near by. It’s half outside and half inside with like 6 different bars and even a little beach and volleyball field there. There must have been some event going on because they were giving out t-shirts, hats, glow sticks, stuff animals and towels. I managed to score a t-shirt, hat and even a little stuffed duck. The duck got annoying to hold onto so that was quickly discarded but I kept the shirt and hat! Well the hat I eventually ditched too because it got way to hot. See below for an awesome pic of me wearing the hat!

Finally on Sunday my birthday my aunt and cousins came over and my mom made homemade pizza!! It is seriously the best pizza EVER. I basically ate an entire pie all by myself it was that good.

All in all I had a pretty great birthday!! It was great spending time with friends and family and doing it up right. It defiantly made up for the awful birthday I had last year!!

Hopefully this celebration is great foreshadowing as to how 25 will be!!!

Best Cake EVER

Me now and then

Me and the crazy hat!

Finding myself

One month from today I will be 25. For a while now I’m been going through a sort of quarter life crisis. Now that I am about to officially hit the mark, I am really freaking out.

Never in a million years did I think I would be where I am now at this age. When I was younger I was so SURE that by this time I would have a fabulous career, a million friends, living on my own, and with the most perfect boyfriend.

I have none of those things.

Sure I have a job, but as I’ve mentioned in the past. I HATE it.

Sure I have friends, but they are spread about all over the place. There are only a few that I live near and can see on a regular basis. The rest require planning months in advance.

I still live at home, but that’s mostly my doing because I’m saving up my money so I can afford things like food when I finally do move.

No boyfriend. Not even a fling around.

All in all, my life is pretty pathetic at the moment.

Even though I wish my life were how I imagined it so many years ago, what I wish for more is to just be content with who I am right now. Why can’t I just be happy?

Why can’t I say to myself yes you don’t like your job but at least you have a job and that’s more important. Even though you dislike it, you are great at what you do. You receive little to no complaints about your performance and that should tell me something about the person I am.

Why can’t I see that I don’t need a boyfriend to be happy? That instead of obsessing over not having a loved one, I should be focusing on making ME happy. That in order for me to ever have a success relationship I have to work on myself first.

Most of all, I want to be content with my body. Inside and out. I have the worst self-esteem and I feel that that is the reason why I am where I am right now. I don’t have a good career because I don’t go after one. I’m afraid I’ll fail and that I don’t deserve the job. I’m afraid if I do move out of my house, nothing will change and I will still be miserable. I don’t attempt to make new friends because I don’t think anyone will like me. Same goes with guys.

I have posted two pictures of myself on here before. It took forever to find a photo that didn’t show my whole body and was kinda flattering. I actually deep down think that if I were to show the real me, you wouldn’t like me anymore and the few readers I have would stop altogether. That’s how bad my self-esteem is.

If a guy even shows a little interest in me, I freeze. The first thought in my head is he must be drunk to be talking to me. He could find someone much better looking than me. Just this past weekend I was at a bar and a guy came up to dance with me. Instead of just going with the flow and enjoying it, I just kept thinking those things. Because of my weight I feel like no man will ever truly be interested in me.

I know that isn’t true, but every time a guy approaches me I get that little voice in my head that says that. I basically use my weight as a defensive mechanism. If someone doesn’t like me, it’s not because of me its because of my weight.

Instead of being proactive and doing something about it. I don’t. Why? I’m scared.

I’m scared I won’t be happy.

I’m scared people will hurt me.

I wish I could put it into better words, but that’s the only way I can explain it. I’m in this weird Catch 22 with myself and I don’t know how to get out of it.

That’s what I want for my birthday. To be happy with who I am. To finally stop being afraid and to just go for it. Whatever IT may be.

It’s the thought that counts!

This weekend is my mom’s birthday and she is the hardest person to buy a present for! My mom is defiantly one of those people who judge’s the gift and not the thought behind the gift. There has been many times when she made me cry because she didn’t like the gift I gave her.

Example one: When I was about 7 or 8 my dad took me to a jewelry store to pick out a present for my mom. Obviously he was going to pay for it, but it was going to come from me and it was my job to pick it out. Needless to say I was very excited by this. I ended up picking a bracelet that had different charms on it. That night I gave my mom her gift. She opened it up, took one look at it and said: “It’s ugly”. Seriously. She actually said that right to my face! I was crushed. I spent the rest of the night crying in my room. To really put salt on the wound, the next morning we went back to the place where I bought the bracelet and she returned it and she bought herself a silk scarf. She still wears that thing to this day, and every time I see it I cringe just a little.

Example two: I’m about 12. My dad is no longer in the picture so I save up a little babysitting money and get my mom a gift. She specifically told me that she wanted a Bob Seger tape (this was before CDs got popular). So I went to the Wiz, seriously dating myself here, and bought her TWO Bob Seger tapes. Her birthday comes and I give my present to her. She takes the tapes out of the gift bag and is very happy. Finally! Then she put the tapes down and looked back into the bag. She looked up after searching and asked me, “Is that all you got me?” Umm hello?? I’m 12. I’m not really rolling in the dough here. Again, I am crushed that I didn’t make my mom happy and go to my room and have a good cry.

After those 2 incidents every time her birthday comes, I freak out because I have to find the perfect gift. Of course when I ask her what she wants she tells me that there is nothing she needs or wants, and whatever I get will be great. Yeah, right.

This year I bought her a citrine necklace (pictured), her birth stone, and two sweaters from a store she shops at all the time. I really hope she likes them!

My To Do

Let me start by saying I HATE to do lists. Especially when it comes to life. A lot of people do these lists to help guide them, either it be toward a better you or making a list of things to do before reaching a certain age. I don’t usually like them because I feel like it puts to much pressure on you. I am one of those people that when I say I will do something, I do it. I don’t just talk the talk I walk the walk. That’s why I avoid making lists. I would hate myself if I didn’t complete it. I would actually feel guilty and feel like a failure. On the other hand, I feel like I need to make a list now, to get myself motivated and moving toward the right direction.

Which is why I made a list of things to do before I turn 25. Twenty-five will be a big birthday for me, and its one of those ages where when your younger you feel like your whole life will be in place. I now know that that whole mentality is bullshit, but at the same time I do need to be going in some sort of direction toward that life. Whatever it may become.

Now to alleviate that pressure I am not making it mandatory for me to finish the whole list and I have also thrown in fun stuff to make it seem less daunting. Enjoy.


Here is my list of things to do before I turn 25 in about 7 months. Enjoy.

• Get a new job that I actually like
• Eat healthier
• Take a photography class
• Start getting more exercise (walking to the printer at work doesn't count)
• Get more of a social life
• Start dating more (oh who am I kidding, just start dating period)
• Try and talk out my issues with my mother (tried before, didn't work. Maybe this time it will)
• Take a road trip somewhere
• Become friends with my brother. Actual friends that hang out, not people who constantly fight or just ignore each other.
• To be able to handle my anxiety better
• Go see a Broadway musical (I haven't been to one in soo long)
• Start saving more money
• Get another tattoo (I'm still debating this one)
• Actually go out in the city (instead of just coming to work and then leaving right away)
• Stop obsessing over things I have no control over
• Swim in a fountain (I've always wanted to do this)

So wish me luck and here’s to the improved me!

A few things

I no longer have to park in the “satellite”, AKA the Sears parking lot that is about 1.5 miles away, lot to take the train. I can now park at the actual train station. No more having to take the shuttle, which means I get to sleep in 15 minutes later every morning! I am very excited. I’m not really sure why I got this before a lot of the other shuttle riders. Some of them have been waiting YEARS to get into the train station lot. Luck was on my side I guess. My fellow shuttle buddies were all very jealous of me when they saw me walking up.

Then I get to work this morning and when I went to the vending machine to buy a bottle of water (I had forgotten mine at home) I ended up with TWO. This must be my lucky day or something. I also find it strange at how these 2 things can make me so happy. But whatever it’s the little things like this that get you through the day.

Today is my grandma’s 86th birthday. We had a nice little get together on Saturday to celebrate. The woman is 86 and is in better health than I am. I am in complete awe of this woman. One day I must make a post about her and all that’s she’s done. It is amazing; especially considering she never went to school and can’t read or write English.

At the get together we had homemade Manicotti, meatballs, chicken, eggplant parmigean, and broccoli rob. All this food she made from scratch, most of it came from her garden, including the tomato sauce, and the only thing she bought from the store was the chicken and meat. She really should have opened up a restaurant she is an amazing cook.

This coming weekend my best friend is finally coming home!! I am so excited to have her back! It’s only Monday but I am seriously counting down the days to next weekend.

It’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to

My birthday ended up being so-so just as I suspected. My mother and brother went to a wedding the night before so the day of my birthday they both basically slept the whole day leaving me all by myself. My brother was understandable because he didn’t get home until about 8 o’clock in the morning but I was really pissed about my mother. For the whole week she was trying to cheer me up saying we were going to spend the day together. She was going to come with my to get my hair done and then go to the salon to get our nails done, followed by her making me delicious pizza.

Well, first on Friday she asks me how I liked her nails and didn’t they look so nice. I was slightly confused considering that she said we were going to get our nails done together so I asked her why she did that. In response she told me that she couldn’t go to the wedding without her nails being done. What would everyone think??? UMM mom? I don’t think anyone would have noticed your nails considering you wore CLOSED TOE SHOES to the wedding. Really??? Why did she do that?? I would maybe understand if she was wearing sandals or something but she didn’t. And anyway you promised ME that we would go together. It was your IDEA in the first place. That was what I should have said but I knew she would find a way to turn it around and make me feel guilty so I just dropped it.

Then on Saturday she never got out of her pajamas and did not go with my to get my hair done. Usually I wouldn’t want her coming with me anyway cause its so boring to watch someone get their hair cut, but we both know the woman who owns the salon and the hairdresser so my mom would have had plenty of people to talk to there. But because she was to tired or lazy how ever you want to put it I went to get my hair done alone and then to the nail salon alone. I tried to not think about it too much and just enjoy getting my hair and nails done in peace. Getting my nails done did actually calm me down since the lady gave me an awesome foot scrub/massage.

Finally the kicker is she had done nothing to make me pizza. She had no sauce or cheese and didn’t make any dough. She made me go buy dough and cheese and then bitched about making the sauce. I literally told her a month ago that the one thing I wanted was pizza, and she does nothing to prepare. She could have made the sauce a while ago and just froze it until my birthday. So there I was on my birthday running errands and going food shopping. Cause of course since I was already going to be there I had to pick up some other things that she needed.

Actually my birthday pretty much sucked. I can’t even say it was so-so now that I just relived that day. The rest of the day was spent with me watching TV and being bored.
Sunday was nice at my cousin’s graduation. My aunt and uncle flew in as a surprise from California and I hadn’t seen them in 4 years. It was so nice to see my family and get together. The weather was awful. It would pour and then the sun would come out and be hot and humid and then it would rain again. Thank god my aunt had a huge tent set up otherwise there would have been 50 plus people squeezed inside. It didn’t matter anyway because everyone was having such a good time.

Another week has come and gone

Oh man I am so glad it is Friday. It has been hell of a week for me and I’m so glad its almost over. Things are looking good for me having a half-day which is good. Tomorrow is my birthday, and while I’m still not all that excited about me getting older and I am excited about how I will be spending the day.

On Sunday I’m going to my cousin’s graduation party and most of my family will be there. Including my aunt and uncle who live in Florida who I haven’t’ seen in over a year. So it will be a good day. I just hope the weather is good.

It's about to start pouring outside, so when i get home I plan on getting into my pj's, and watch movies for the rest of the day. Preferably something cheesy on lifetime. It is the perfect way for me to spend a lazy rainy day. I hope everyone else has a great weekend!

Why so sad?

As you may know my birthday is coming up. I’m not all that excited about it and I really couldn’t figure out why I just didn’t care. I thought to myself, maybe its because its not a big birthday, or your getting older and things like this shouldn’t matter anymore. But I’m a firm believer in always making a big deal out of your birthday. If you have to work or go to school you take the day off, and you never just spend one day on your birthday, you make it into a whole birthday weekend. Getting older and growing up couldn’t be the reason. Then I thought maybe it’s because this year I actually don’t have any big plans or a birthday weekend planned out. Maybe that’s why I’m not excited. But that didn’t really seem right either. I also haven’t been sleeping lately and my anxiety has been getting more intense these past few days so I really forced myself to take a breath and figure out why I am freaking out. The more I thought about it the more I came to realize why I’m not excited about my birthday.

I’m turning 24 and I am nowhere near having the life I thought I would have by now. I’m officially having a “quarter life crisis”. When I first heard the term I thought it was complete crap and wasn’t really real. Now here I am stuck in my own crisis. I guess technically you should be 25 when this happens, hence the whole quarter life phrase, but mine is happening a whole year earlier. This is why.

When I was in high school and even in the beginning of college I thought by the time I was in my mid-twenties I would have an amazing life. I would have a fabulous job that paid a ton of money. I would be living in the city in a trendy loft, going out all time, and constantly meeting new and interesting people. Basically being a character that I so often watch on TV. However, here I am days from turning 24 and nowhere near that life. In contrast I have a job that I hate that pays me terrible money, most of which is taken away from me by the taxman and health care. I am still living a home and making a very long commute to the city everyday. I rarely go out cause I get home late and by the time the weekend comes I’m so exhausted the last thing I want to do is go out and party. In case you didn’t realize not going out equals not being able to meet new people. My social network is slowing dwindling down to nothing. I hate that more than anything. I love going out and meeting new people. I love going out just so I can people watch and make snide remarks about people. While that may make me sound really mean, I swear I do it all in good fun. Plus I can take sarcasm and jokes made toward me and I always laugh at what an ass I am sometimes.

Anyway my point is; I am freaking out cause I am so far behind this invisible plan that I apparently always thought I would follow and accomplish. I never thought I would consider my fantasy of the good life to be an actual road map that I was going to follow. Cause it is after all just a fantasy. I don’t think anyone really lives an amazing life like the ones you see on TV. I know I’m not the only one who is exhausted from working long hours, hates that they don’t make enough money and wished they got out of the house more often. It is comforting to know that I’m not alone, but deep down I still feel like a failure and a loser. Which is why I want my birthday to pass me by. So it can stop reminding me about how little I’ve really accomplished.

BORED at work

It’s a little after 10:30 in the morning and I am so unbelievably bored I don’t know what to do with myself. Seriously, I haven’t been at work for 2 hours yet and I’m dieing. I already checked my daily dose of websites like 10 times already. I don’t know what to do with myself. I’m 2 seconds from taking out my book and blatantly reading in front of my boss. Even though I do not like my job that doesn’t mean I want to sit at the office all day staring at a computer doing nothing. I rather be overwhelmed and insanely busy than just sitting here. At least when your busy the day goes by faster. So any tips on how to make my day go by faster. Or a better question, how do you look for a job while you are at your current one???

On a side note, for my birthday coming up on Saturday I decided to make it a day of pampering. I am going to go get my haircut, get a manicure and pedicure, and I might even go for a facial. I love doing these things. Especially getting my hair done. Even if it’s just a trim I love going to the salon. The smell of the salon, getting your hair cut and blow-dried and then having your hair look amazing as you leave. Every time I get my hair done I feel so glamorous and even a little bit sexy. Afterward we are going to come back home and my mom is going to make her homemade pizza. Which is AMAZING. Seriously she makes the best pizza. Only thing I’ve ever had that was better was my aunt’s. No restaurant can match these women. Even though I don’t have any huge plans for my birthday, I’m pretty happy with what I will be doing. I always feel like there is too much pressure to make your birthday the best day. Plus when I go up to visit my best friend in Boston we are going to have a faux birthday celebration.

What should I do?

Man when is this heat going to end??? It’s so hot outside that the inside of my office can’t seem to keep up. AKA I’m melting at work. So my birthday is coming up soon and I’m trying to think of what to do. It’s not a big birthday or anything, but I can’t do what I originally wanted to do which was go visit my friends in Maryland. However the person I would stay with is moving that day and I don’t think she is going to be up to entertaining. It’s just not a good weekend for a lot of them so my visit has been postponed. Then I found out that I need to go to my cousin’s graduation party the day after my birthday. So even if I wanted to I can’t really go anywhere. So that leaves me stuck at home with no one to really hang out with that day. Almost all of my friends have either moved, or still at school taking summer classes. I didn’t really want to do a big thing anyway, but I would like to find something I can do to still make my day fun. So that’s my dilemma. But worst comes to worst I’ll just go to the beach with someone and spend it that way. Which I can’t really complain about now can I??