Thursday, January 31, 2013

Taking Steps to make changes

Little by little I'm starting to realize what I want to be when I grow up.... but it's terrifying. And the steps I need to do it, are also overwhelming. It would mean going back to school for one thing.Which would mean quiting this job and finding (hopefully) a part time job to support myself while I go back.

Here's the thing. I love to cook, bake more specifically. And people have told me time and time again how amazing I am. People actually tell me I should open a bakery. However I have no training in cooking whatsoever. But I think this is something that could truly fulfill me. I know I would absolutely have to take some classes. I'm not dumb enough to just jump off a cliff without a parachute. But fear plagues me.

What if I actually end up hating it? Or I fail miserably? I won't be able to have health insurance at least for a while. Do I really want to work for myself? Anyway I've decided to at least test the waters.

The community college near me actually has a wonderful and well known culinary school. I'm going to meet with someone in admissions to just gather as much information as I can get. Find out the costs, when classes are usually held, how long it would take. All of that. I know I'll hate myself forever if I don't at least check it out.

I also made an appointment to see a therapist. Just to talk things out. I struggle a lot with my body image and I know I have severe body dismorphia. I thought I would just eventually learn to accept the new me, but it's taking a lot longer. I've been also gaining weight recently and I think it's a combination of stress and sabotaging myself. Hopefully this goes well.

Now that I look at this blog, I'm taking a lot of steps to a newer better me. And hopefully will continue to progress as time goes on!

1 comment:

Margaret (Peggy or Peg too) said...

My husband asked me once at age 31 when I was at a career crossroads (and he wasn't my husband only my friend then) Peg what would you do if you took fear out of the equation? I kept saying, but it is. So he hammered me until I admitted what I would do. I then did it. If the worse thing you fear is failing - hell that is nothing. That is so much better than NEVER trying. Never trying well now that is sad and a bit pathetic if you think about it. Besides is it really failing if you try? No. You just found out that thing wasn't for you.
If you were talking to your niece who wanted to try something but there was no indication she could do it would you tell her to never bother to try? You know what you'd say to her Carolyn.
Now be good to yourself and tell yourself what you would tell her.