Thursday, January 29, 2009

Who does that?

I don’t know why but for some reason I tend to attract crazy people. Honestly I have tons of stories I could tell about some crazy person who decided to take an interest in me. My mother really loves these stories because she says stuff like this only seems to happen to me.

I’ve had people come up and start talking to me about how they left their husband and are getting a divorce. I had some psycho on the train sitting behind me thinking it was okay for him to try and run his fingers through my hair. YUCK. I still shudder when I think of that. Once after one of my knee operations, while I was waiting outside for my mom to bring her car around, a man came up to me and started praying for my lost soul and trying to save me. He didn’t stop until I was in the car and my mom was quickly speeding away.

Now it’s become so common that I’m pretty much used to the crazies. If anything it’s another story for me to tell people. Except for yesterday.

As I got out of work yesterday and started my usual journey to the train station this man standing by a van started walking toward me. He started calling me “lovely” and kept asking for me to come to him. THEN he actually started walking toward me and tried to give me a HUG. Honestly now, who the hell does that?? What stranger sees someone walking and decides that they want to hug them and consequently scare the crap out of them.

I got really scared that I all but broke out into a run, and got away from him as fast as I could. He kept calling after me asking where I was going. Are you serious?? What was I going to do? Turn around and give the creepster a hug? I just kept walking, checking over my shoulder every minute to make sure he wasn’t following me.

Now usually I can laugh these things off, and I did when I was safely home. But I keep thinking that that could have turned really badly. Even though I was in the city and there were a lot of people around, what was stopping that man from full on attacking me and dragging me to his sketchy van?

I’m seriously thinking about buying myself some pepper spray. That was not cool.

Has anything like this happened to you? Do you attract the crazies like I do?

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

I just don't understand

I have this friend, R. Her and I have been friends since she moved to New Jersey when we were in the fifth grade. We bonded over the fact that both of our parents got divorced within months of each other and none of our other friends could even begin to imagine what that felt like. She was my rock. In middle school we hung almost every single day. We went on vacations with each other, constantly got in trouble when we hung out and never had fights or drama. It was great.

When we went to college, me to Maryland and her all the way to Ohio, our talks and visits became less and less. However I never worried, because once we did speak it was like no time had passed at all. She was the kind of person where you could just pickup where you left off and no awkward pauses.

Through college and after graduation our visits and phone chats were sporadic at best. But I never worried. Then she went through a really tough time in her personal life. She dropped out of college with only a semester left of school, had some psychological, her boyfriend of over a year broke up with her, and a bunch of other things that I don’t feel comfortable saying here.

I tried to be there the best I could. I went down to visit her whenever I could. Even with all the drama going on I felt that our friendship was getting stronger. We talked more frequently, saw each other, and texted constantly.

All of a sudden, she dropped off the face of the planet. She stopped returning my calls and texts. Hasn’t answered any of my e-mails. Everything just stopped.

At first I was really worried about her. I was afraid something bad happened and I just wanted to talk to her and let her know that I was there for her. However there was no way of getting in touch. I still kept on calling and texted up to now.

A few weeks ago she registered for facebook. I was excited because here was another way that I could hopefully get in touch with her. So I friended her, which she accepted and then sent her a message letting her know that I missed her and why hasn’t she returned any of my calls. I didn’t write on the wall because I didn’t want people to see our business. I never got an answer. I know that she saw the message because she is on the thing almost everyday talking to other people, commenting on photos and becoming friends with other people. Not only that, but she posted dozens of pictures. Pictures of her with friends, going out, going to concerts, going on vacation, you know, just doing normal things.

Why the fuck isn’t she answering???

I am furious. I just can’t understand why she would cut me out of her life like that. It’s not like anything happened between us that she maybe mad at me. It’s like she just woke up one day and decided not to be my friend anymore. I just wish I could talk to her. If she doesn’t want to be my friend anymore I at least deserve her telling that to my face. I need some kind of explanation as to why.

I don’t know what to do. And I’m really upset that she of all people stopped talking to me. I always considered her to be one of my best friends and someone I could always count on. Now I don’t know what to think anymore.

Monday, January 26, 2009

A great weekend

My Ski weekend was amazing. I can’t believe just how great it was. There was no drama or fighting, just good times. It was the perfect way to give me that extra shot and make everything seem OK.

Friday my friend and I headed up. There was an accident so we hit some traffic but it didn’t even matter. We were too busy catching up on our lives and just making each other laugh. Honestly the drive up was one of my favorite parts of the weekend.

We got to the place and we stayed in the nicest little apartment. There were 3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, the living room was huge and the kitchen was a great size. Since there were 7 of us, it was 2 to a bedroom and one slept on the pullout couch. My friend and I got to snag the bedroom that had 2 twin beds in it. I hate having to share a bed. I toss and turn like crazy and I always feel like I’m disturbing the person in the bed. Plus I like to really stretch out in the bed. I’m worried that when I get married this will cause a problem. I’m going to end up like a 1950s housewife with 2 separate beds.

Anyway.

Friday night was kind of a chill night. We just hung out, catching up and drinking some free wine that we got. Our room had a fireplace that wouldn’t work. The maintenance man tried to fix it but couldn’t. To make up for it he brought over a couple bottles of wine for us. I’ll take free wine over a fire any time.

Saturday we got up real early. We got breakfast then broke up into groups, the skiers and the non-skiers. The skiers spent the day skiing, and we broke off and did our own thing.

First we went snow tubing. Which was SO much fun!! I’ve never been before and it was great. I can’t believe how fast you go down the hills. When you go the guy asks if you want to go straight or to spin. I told him to spin and boy did he. I was spun so fast and went flying down the hill. By the time I stopped I was crazy dizzy and a little nauseous. But totally worth it, it was exhilarating. Also? Snow tubing is actually a good workout. Dragging the tube all over and going down the hill was exhausting. When we finished I was covered in sweat. This morning, I woke up spore all over from it!

After that we went to the hot tub. The perfect way to sooth your muscles and relax afterwards. That afternoon since the skiers hadn’t gotten back yet we went to a wine tasting. That is probably the only disappointment we had. We all had never been before and were excited to learn more about wine. However the lady was a total bitch to us. She didn’t explain any of wines and when giving us our taste gave us WAY less then she was giving the other participants. I don’t know if she thought we were too young to appreciate it or something, but I was furious. However the wine was delicious and a good price so I still ended up buying 3 bottles from there.

We got back in time to have dinner with everyone and start the evening’s festivities. We meant to go out to a local bar but we started drinking early and no one was in a state to drive. But it was okay. We had a so much fun just playing drinking games and laughing all night. All in all a great way to end the day.

Sunday we got up headed to breakfast and left shortly after. My friend and I got a little lost on our way home, but we still made good time getting back. As soon as I got home I went to my room and proceeded to take a good three-hour nap. I needed it. However it wasn’t enough and I’m defiantly dragging today at work. But I don’t mind. This weekend made me feel really good and okay with where my life is right now. No need to rush growing up.

How was your weekend?

Friday, January 23, 2009

Hitting the Slopes

Real quick. Sorry about the lack of blogging this week, work was crazy and it seemed like I didn't have a minute to myself.

In about 10 minutes I will be leaving to go on a weekend Ski Trip!!! There are about 8 of us going and we are staying in alittle condo for 2 nights. We got a great deal, to good to pass up.

Unfortunatly because of my knee I can't ski. However I will be taking great advantage of snow tubing. swimming in the heated pool and enjoying great company. I will be back on Monday with a full recap!!

Have a great weekend!

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

A little late on the bandwagon

I really meant to write a post yesterday but the day was really busy and I blinked my eyes and it was over. I can’t really complain because I love when the day flies by like that.

Anyway, obviously yesterday was a big day but I’m tired of reading posts about it so I won’t say anything. Besides the fact my office threw a pizza party because of it and we got to watch it on a big screen. Hooray for free lunch!

Today what I want to talk about is my new favorite thing. Netflix!! I know I’m really behind on the trend but I’ve always avoided joining it. Mostly because my DVR is always full and I gotta keep up with my shows so I didn’t want to add to my list of things to see.

I noticed that they were having a free trial and I decided to give it a whirl. It’s awesome!!! The DVDs come so fast that you hardly ever have to wait. Also the selection online is so much better then going to the local blockbuster. While I love me some comedies and romance movies, I’m also really into independent films. Which blockbuster seems to NEVER carry.

Now I can get any movie I want and never leave the comfort of my home. I seriously suggest to anyone to try this out!

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Spice up your life!

I want to thank you for all your suggestions! I’m not really sure how to have the money automatically taken out when I get paid, so for now as soon as I do get paid I will put the money aside manually.

What doesn’t help is the fact that as soon as I decided to start saving more my best friend plans a weekend ski trip!! However I am not deterred. I put all the numbers together and will still be able to put money aside and go on this trip!!

I’m really excited. Even though I actually can’t ski (stupid knee) there are a lot of other things for me to do. There are eight in total going on this trip and there are 2 or 3 others that won’t be skiing either. So I will have company. Plus they have Snow Tubing and I will defiantly be doing that!

This is will be a good little mini-vacation and also it will help break up the monotony in my life right now. My weeks lately have been blending together because I always do the same thing, week after week, month after month. This will hopefully ad spice to my life and I can finally feel like a normal 20-something. Seriously sometimes I feel I’m 80 because my life is so boring.

Speaking of adding spice to my life. Lately I have been thinking of joining an online dating website. This makes me really nervous, because a) I’ve heard mixed reviews and b) I have terrible self-esteem and the fear of rejection makes me have a slight panic attack.

So what do you think?

I need some pros and cons about joining a site. On the one hand I feel like I’m to young to be resorting to this yet. On the other, I haven’t met any new or interesting guys in a lonnngg time. This is what happens when you move back home and every time you go out it’s like a high school reunion.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Tightening the purse strings

In an effort to save up more money I decided that after each paycheck I will put $200 in my savings account. Here's hoping that I keep it up!! Now I know that $200 isn't a lot but I seriously make no money and that's the best I can do right now. I'm hoping that if and when I get my raise I will be able to bump up that number. But for now with my hourly rate, plus student loans, train passes and credit card statements this will have to do.

Also if I do well with budgeting, at the end of each month if I have some money left over I will put it all in my savings. Sure that means I need to really watch what I spend and no more online shopping but it'll be worth it when I slowly see my savings rise and I can finally afford to move out of my mom’s house.

Do you have any tips on saving money?? If so I need all the help I can get.

Monday, January 12, 2009

Recharged my batteries

The weekend couldn’t come quicker for me. I was seriously bumming about my job and everything. I really needed a break. Thankfully the weekend provided just that.

Saturday was a snowy day. Perfect for just lounging in my PJs watching movies. Saturday night my friends and I ventured out in the snow to go to a lounge nearby. Not a lot of people were out which was nice for a change. I didn’t have to elbow my way just to get a drink. It was a nice time catching up with some friends.

Sunday I went to brunch with another friend of mine. We do this every few months in an effort to stay in better touch. She recently got engaged so I finally got to get all the details about where and when the wedding will be. It’s a little strange to think of her getting married. I just keep thinking back to when we were in high school, working as lifeguards together. I was the one who set her up with her now soon to be husband. It’s defiantly surreal.

What’s even stranger is that we used to be so close. Like if she were getting married a few years ago I would be a bride’s maid. Now that we have drifted apart, which life has a way of doing; I know I probably won’t even be considered to be one. I’m not sad about it. It’s just weird at how much has changed between us. Either way I am looking forward to seeing her walk down the aisle.

After brunch I went to go see Bride Wars with two other girls. It was cute and totally a chick flick, but I honestly thought it would be a lot funnier then it was. I still enjoyed it; I was just expecting to laugh more.

All in all it was a good weekend. It made me feel so much better after the crappy week I had. Plus I am looking forward to this coming weekend because I have off next Monday. Hooray for the upcoming three-day weekend!

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Are you hiring??

Is it bad that after having 12 days off from work I am already looking forward to when I can take my next vacation?? I really wish I wasn’t like this. I am just so frustrated with my job. I’ve been back for only 4 days and already I can’t stand being back. I know I’ve mentioned this many times before, and I’m getting just as tired of it as you are probably with reading about it. But honestly, I don’t know how much longer I can take it.

It’s not just what I do here that I don’t like it’s the people. There is zero sense of camaraderie here. Everyone is plugged into their ipods or to busy making personal calls to befriend anyone. Plus my boss shows zero appreciation for all the extra work I do. Not only that but he is now actually criticizing my work that I do.

According to him I should not be making any mistakes, even small ones, EVER. Never mind the fact that I have triple the amount of work as other people. Maybe if he broke up the work a little bit I would be able to do my job much better. I hate the fact that I’m starting to slip but I literally just cannot handle this amount of work. I’m not capable. Even though I have tried to drop hints, subtle and not so subtle, he is just not doing it. He always tells me he will eventually do it, and then the whole month passes by. When will it happen??

I fear that when it comes time for my performance review, it won’t be that great because of this bullshit. You can bet your ass though that if it isn’t good I will speak up. I hate confrontation but I will not let them walk all over me.

I’ve been looking for a new job but really nothing has been peaking my interest and those that do I’m not getting any calls back from. What am I doing wrong? I know the economy is tough but geez. When am I going to get a break?

While I am scared that I won’t be able to find a good job anytime soon there is another thing I’m really scared of. Making the wrong move. What if I find a new job, take it and I hate it just as much as I hate it here? I understand in order to find what truly makes you happy there will be a certain amount of missteps, but I really don’t want to make another one when it comes to my career. I want my next career move to be the right one.

I’m just so frustrated and over the whole thing.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

My stomach is rumbling

A while back I told you all that I was having problems with my foot. The doctor told me that I needed to go to physical therapy. PT was not a good time for me. I detailed a lot of my frustrations before. Well during the next few weeks there were a lot more frustrations added to that list. Anyway last Friday was my check-up back with my doctor to see how things were going. Even though my foot is a little better, I’m still nowhere near where he would like me to be.

I then proceeded to tell him about my frustrations, particularly about the fact that even though I was going there for my foot, 90 percent of my exercises focused on my leg and knee. The guy told me that I needed to build up my leg muscles to improve my foot. Yeah it made sense (sorta) at the time, but in reality my leg is actually really strong. Thanks to 5 knee surgeries and years of PT for my knee my muscles in there are really good. However because I am the patient of course the PT guy was right and I was wrong.

Well, when I told my doctor about PT he was not very pleased. In fact, he seemed downright pissed. He actually told me that as soon as he had a chance he was going to call them up and ask why in the world didn’t they do more exercises focusing on my foot. Seriously, I felt like a little girl tattle-telling.

But I don’t feel that bad. This guy basically wasted my time and I’m now out 200 dollars for the stupid co-pays. And it feels like I’m back at square one. The doctor prescribed me this medication that is basically steroids to take just for this week. I’ve taken it before and it actually helped my foot out a lot. He is hoping that this will give my recovery the final kick it needs to get better.

So far it’s been going well, minus the fact that I am STARVING. Seriously I can’t stop thinking about food. That combined with the fact that I am getting my period this week is making me a major bitch to be around. I actually got really mad at my mom last night for just making soup for dinner because that wouldn’t fill me up enough.

Never mind the fact that she went out of her way to cook for me, I still flipped on her for making so little. I am a horrible person. Especially since today I e-mailed my mother at work a list of foods to buy me when she goes shopping. Horrible horrible person.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Road Trip

This past weekend was my brother’s engagement party. It was held in Virginia, which is about 4 and half hours away from where I live. Originally, I wanted to drive down on Friday to Baltimore to visit my friends and break up the driving a little bit. My mom was not having that. Instead I was forced to endure a car ride with my mom, brother, and 86-year-old grandmother. It was interesting. First my brother was pissed off to begin with. He didn’t want to go period, but had to because it’s his brother’s engagement party. To not make this more confusing, I am going to call my one bother B and the other, the one engaged, Beard.

Anyway, when B is in a pissy mood he is pretty much one of the worst people to be around. You pretty much just need to leave him alone until he starts to perk up a little bit. My mom and grandma did not seem to get that. My mother loves to provoke my brother and piss him off even more. I don’t know why she enjoys it so much, but she does. Then my grandma thought it would be a good idea to constantly poke my brother in the arm the entire car ride down, while asking him why he doesn’t like her anymore. Needless to say, he didn’t appreciate it. That was fun.

My Aunt and her daughters also decided to come along that weekend. Which I didn’t understand because it was her twin daughters birthday that day and I could not for the life of me understand why they would want to spend their day in a car to Virginia. So she followed us all the way down.

Eight people traveling on a road trip equals many many bathroom stops. Seriously, we stopped four times on our way down. Between 2 stops only 30 minutes had passed. How is that possible?!?! Every time we stopped it was a 15-minute ordeal. My grandma doesn’t understand how to get into a car properly. Instead of putting her foot in first and sitting down, she likes to try sitting down before putting her feet it. Every time she tried this and every time we had to tell her that it would never work that way.

After 4 plus hours in the car we finally arrive to the hotel. We are all starving so we just stop to a fast food restaurant. We got there a little early so there was some down time at the hotel. We all got ready and made our way to the FiancĂ©e’s parent’s house. Let me just say it was a good thing we ate before hand. They really didn’t have a big spread. Some meats, veggies, bread and about 200 varieties of cheese were served. I am NOT exaggerating about the cheese. Everywhere you looked there was a different type of cheese. Don’t get me wrong I love cheese, but how much cheese did theses people expect us to eat??

For dessert they had cake, cookies and some “Italian pastries” for us. Which I find sweet that they made an attempt but, and no offense to anyone who lives in Virginia, that state does not know how to make Italian pastries. Their cannoli had cream cheese as the filling. My poor cousin was not expecting that and after she took a big bit of it, she looked like she might puke. That was actually really funny to watch.

However the family was very nice. It was good to finally meet everyone. Even though it was kinda awkward, people who knew each other stuck together and there wasn’t a lot of mingling, everyone was really sweet. Though at one point while I was getting a drink some of the younger girls that were there were commenting on how funny that all the Jersey people were in one room and they were in that room and blah blah blah. When I spoke up and informed them that I was one of those Jersey people, it defiantly broke the ice a little bit even though the one who said it looked embarrassed.

The party started at 4 so by 8:30 we were all ready to go. We left, stopped and got some food before returning to the hotel. We were all starving. We got 2 hotel rooms, my aunt her 2 girls and my grandma stayed in one room, we got rollaways brought up. In the other was me, my mom, the other cousin, and B. Let me just say that when my brother does get married I will be getting my own room. My mom and my brother are the LOUDEST snorers known to mankind. It was like they were having a competition with each other. Somehow my cousin slept though it. I one the other hand ended up getting maybe 2 hours of sleep that night.

We all wanted to leave as early as possible so we got a wake up call at 6:30, ate breakfast at 7 and were on the road on 8. The ride home was much better then going down. We made great time and only stopped once to use the bathroom! We got home by noon and I was able to spend the rest my last day off before work sleeping and lounging.

A while ago I made a list of things I wanted to do before I turned 25. One of them was to take a road trip. I guess you could count this as mine, but I wanted it to be a little more fun then what it was. All in all it was just so-so. I hope to have a do over soon!

Monday, January 5, 2009

Back to Reality

Wow, work really piles up when you’re not at your job for over a week. From the moment I walked in today I have been nonstop busy. It took me an hour to just clear off everything that has been piled on my desk. Another 2 hours to just go through my e-mails. I haven’t even made a dent in the work that I really need to start doing.

It was worth it.

These last 12 days of not having to worry about work was great. It really reenergized me and today when I woke up I didn’t groan at the thought of going to work. Don’t get me wrong I still hate my job, but having time off makes me feel a little better.

As I mentioned before I am determined to make this year better for me. I always put people in front of myself and it’s time that I become a little selfish.

Anyway, my vacation was really nice. Christmas was great. My mom, I mean Santa got me a new camera!!! I really didn’t want her to spend a lot of money on me, but this is one of the best gifts I’ve ever gotten. It’s a Sony Cybershot and the quality of the pictures is so much better then my last camera. I also got gift cards to some of my favorite stores.

My best friend actually got me a necklace from Tiffany’s. We always go a little overboard with our gifts but I was so surprised by this! The charm looks like a lock and it has my first initial in the center. She has the same one for her and I always loved it. I still cannot believe that she bought one for me it. Also, my godmother got me a Coach wrislet. She too likes to spoil me. I feel so blessed to have people that care for me this much. However I do feel guilty when people spend so much money on me. Even though I spend just as much on them, I still feel guilty. I’m working on being able to just accept a gift gratefully and not worry about the other person.

Christmas itself was great. My brother and his fiancĂ©e showed up and my family was so happy to finally meet her. My cousin that is in the Air Force was able to come and we hadn’t seen him is so long so it was great to see him. The food was incredible as usual. My aunt loves to go crazy with it. I was full just from the appetizers.

The next day we had people over for my brother, it ended up being a sorta engagement party so that was nice for him. It got a little crazy at my house; lots of people, food, and a beer pong game that ended up being moved into our living room. I suck at beer pong but I actually ended up winning a game against my brother! Score! After that, Christmas, plus Christmas Eve, I was exhausted when the weekend came. I was happy to have a break.

The rest of the week was fun: lots of activities, visiting with friends, and relaxation. Besides getting sick on New Years, this week was pretty great.

Tomorrow expect a full report on my road trip to Virginia. I was going to write about it today but then I went off on a tangent. To avoid writing the longest post ever, I will blog about it tomorrow.

Friday, January 2, 2009

I'm Back!!

Hey there!! Remember me?? I feel like it’s been forever since I last blogged. My little vacation has been going really well. Fun and relaxing, just what I needed. However even though I am rested up, I am NOT looking forward to going back to work on Monday.

Staying home like this made me realize something. I am not myself when I am at work. I don’t feel comfortable; therefore my true self isn’t coming out. Then I thought who really ever feels comfortable at work? Maybe that’s normal. I don’t know. What I do know is I do not want to be uncomfortable anymore. I need to find my niche and really become myself. That’s my goal for this year. I don’t like to make resolutions, but I like this idea. I just want to be able to feel like myself again.

Speaking of resolutions, my New Years was kinda bust. I ended up being really sick. Like spent half the night in the bathroom sick. It wasn’t pretty. This was the first time that I really wanted to do something big for New Years. However I am not letting that night being lame set the tone for the year. I really feel like good things will happen in 2009. I want this to be the year of Carolyn. I am determined to turn things around in my life, and what better way then to start with a clean slate?

Anyway it’s getting late and I just wanted to pop in and let you know that I’m still here!! I will resume blogging on Monday! This weekend I will be traveling four and a half hours to Virginia for my brother’s engagement party. While I am so happy about my brother being engaged and I not looking forward to this party. It’s just so much driving to do over 2 days for a tiny little party. I am basically having a panic attack. It will be my mom, my brother and my 86 year old grandmother in one car for that entire trip. Can you say disaster??

Look for a full report come Monday.

I hope you all had a great New Years!! I’ve really missed blogging and commenting for this past week.