Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Six Things

Since this is my last post for a while I decided to post the 6 things that make me happy. Miss Merry tagged me to do this a while ago and I figure now it the perfect time.

1. My dog. He provided me with great comfort after my other dog passed away. Seeing his little face every day makes the whole thing a little less hard.

2. My family. As crazy as they are, I love them! Even though I don’t get along great with my one brother, I know he’s always there for me. My mother, who even though loves to criticize me, I know deep down she’s only doing it because she wants the very best for me.

3. My friends. Especially my best friend. She is the sister I never had and I know I can always count on her.

4. My upcoming vacation. I haven’t had a real break from work since May, so this is long over due.

5. Traveling. I hope to be able to do more of it soon!

6. Taking pictures. I love capturing memories. I love seeing the emotion. That one moment in time will forever be remembered.

I want to wish everyone Happy Holidays! I am looking forward to a new year and new beginnings!

Monday, December 22, 2008

It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas

For me today is Thursday!! I’m soo happy I decided to take a little vacation around the holidays It’s like having a winter break from work! After tomorrow I probably won’t be blogging until the New Year!! I will be checking my reader and who knows if I get bored there is a chance that I’ll blog from home. From the looks of it though there won’t be much downtime for me. I was looking forward to a relaxing week, but it seems that almost everyday is filled with activities. Let’s break it down shall we?

Christmas Eve: Spend the day at my aunt’s. We usually do it at my house, but my aunt begged my mom to have it there.

Christmas Day: Drive up north to go to my other aunt’s. She goes all out for Christmas. The house is always so pretty and the food? Oh my, she goes crazy. We have appetizers, then a pasta course, and then dinner that is surf and turf. Lobster tails and/or chateaubriand, finally the dessert are cakes, pies, cookies and ice cream. I’m full just writing this.

Also as a surprise, my brother and his fiancée are driving to my aunts. She hasn’t meet most of my family yet so it will be great. Plus my cousin who is in the Air Force will be there and we haven’t seen him in over a year!

Day after Christmas: Party at my house for my brother. He is home from the states for only 3 weeks so all his friends will be stopping by to say hello.

That weekend: Spend more time with my brother and his fiancée.

Monday: Spend the day with my cousins. I’m thinking about going to the city with them but with my foot still messed up I might not be able to. In which case I’ll take them to the new outlets and go shopping as their Christmas gifts.

Tuesday: The one day I have no set plans!

New Years Eve: I’m not sure what the definite plans are yet but I will be going out with a bunch of friends to celebrate the New Year!

New Years Day: Recovery, plus go to my grandma’s.

Day After: PT in the morning, Doctors in the afternoon, then driving down to Baltimore to see friends.

That weekend: go to Virginia for an engagement party for my brother. There will be a whole lot of driving and I am not looking forward to it. I am excited to meet her family, but the thought of all that driving makes me a little sick!

As you can see my vacation is actually chock full of activities. Even though I was looking forward to a more relaxing week, I am really excited for everything!!

What are you doing for the holidays??

Friday, December 19, 2008

Crazy week

First off I’m doing much better about my dog passing away. However I do still expect to see his face every time I come home. I guess that will take some getting used to.

Otherwise this week has been crazy busy for me. I have a lot of stuff to finish up before my vacation and it doesn’t seem to be slimming down. Every time I blink I feel as though there is more then before. The good news is, after Tuesday I have a nice 10-day vacation to relax. I can’t wait!!

Also it’s snowing like crazy right now!!!! I love snow, but right now I’m really worried about my commute home tonight. I’m sure the trains will be delayed and that will not be fun for me. I just want to get home as quickly as possible. Especially after the morning I had…

This morning on the train I was sleeping, and I woke up to a woman screaming hysterically and calling for a doctor to come. Her husband was having a Seizure. Only I didn’t know it as a seizure until after. For all I knew, it was a heart attack. The train had to be stopped; all these people came running up, it was very scary. And after the week I had, I was especially upset. I just wanted this guy to be Okay. Thankfully he was. The man decided to go to a hospital in the city so we continued our journey onward. It was the tensest commute of my life.

I am so happy this week is almost over.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

I will miss you

Today my dog had to be put to sleep. He was very old and it was his time.

I will miss you my puppy!! I love you.


Custom Made

First I just wanted to say that work has been interesting. I’m really busy right now but I don’t mind because the time is flying by and also because in one week I will officially be on vacation! Then my boss got a package from our sister office. There were 2 packages for me!! They were thank you/holiday presents from 2 of my co-workers. I was so surprised and really touched by the thought. It defiantly made my week!

Next Karen from Smiling Through it All had a fellow blogger interview her and she had to answer the questions honestly and post them. Sorta like a customized MEME. I really liked this idea so when Karen offered to do the same I jumped at the chance. Here are her questions and my responses. Enjoy!

1. What is your favorite Christmas movie or cartoon? Why?

That’s easy. It’s National Lampoons Christmas Vacation. It’s hysterical. Every year on Christmas Eve my family and I watch this. It’s one of the few traditions that we keep up with, so on top of it being funny; it also holds a special place in my heart because of that.

2. Are you doing anything to pursue the makeup artist dream job or have you decided to go in a different direction?

Yes actually. I have been applying like crazy for jobs in the cosmetic industry. Unfortunately because I don’t have enough experience yet and/or the economy sucks I haven’t really gotten any responses back. I would like to take another class or become an apprentice to someone but I just don’t have the time with my work hours.

However randomly, if I were to ever to say quit my job or do something drastic it would be to go back to school and study photography. Those are essentially my 2 dream jobs, and I constantly go back and forth between them.

3. Do you have a "type" that you look for in a significant other? What is that type?

I don’t know if I have a type per se. Sometimes I got for the guy that’s more masculine. You know the guy that has a constant 5 o’clock shadow, whose typical uniform is jeans and a t-shirt, loves sports and would rather die then talk about mushy stuff. Then other times I’m into the EMO guy who play guitar or piano and writes poetry. Total opposite. So I guess my dream guy would be a mesh of those two. Which I doubt is possible.

However no matter what type the guy is, they have to have a sense of humor! If a guy can’t make me laugh then forget about it.

4. What is weakness when it comes to shopping for yourself?

When shopping I have a HUGE weakness for bags. I have so many bags, clutches, wristlets, totes; you name it I’ve got it. Every time I go to a store I tend to drift to that section and always find a way to reason with myself as to why I NEED this one. I’ve gotten better at resisting but sometimes there’s one that I just can’t NOT buy.

5. Do have the desire to be a mother someday?

I can’t wait to become a mom one day! Of course I’m scared that I’ll screw the kid up, but I really look forward to becoming a mother. I love children. I used to babysit and even taught swim lessons for a while and even though it wasn’t easy at times, it never made me doubt my ability to become a mother. However I don’t want to have children until I’m in my 30s. I want to take my time. No rushing.

Monday, December 15, 2008

Finally Finished!

This weekend I finally finished my Christmas shopping!! Not only that but I even wrapped all my gifts! I am so happy! On Saturday I went to the mall and it was crowded. I mean I knew that it would be, but I was not expecting what I saw. I must of meet I got a little panicky when I saw the crowds. Especially when I went to buy cards and the line to check out was all the way to the back of the place! Thankfully the lines moved quickly and I finish in a pretty timely manner.

I also got my hair done on Saturday. I was getting crazy roots so I went to fix up my color. I kept the same one I got last time because it is just soo pretty. I also got it cut and she added a lot more layers to give my hair more volume when it’s straight. I promise after the holidays I will have an updated picture and I will post it!

The rest of the weekend was pretty calm. I was very happy about that! I was actually supposed to go out to see this local band near me on Friday but I was exhausted after the week I had. I went to bed by 11 and I didn’t wake up til 10 am!! The first time in a lonnngg time where I slept in!! I felt incredible after that!

All in all it was a really good weekend. Lots of Christmas themed activities, but very relaxing at the same time. Perfect.

What did you do this weekend?

Friday, December 12, 2008

Good Times

The party wasn’t bad. Actually it ended up being a lot of fun. That’s mostly because I drank. A lot. I wasn’t planning on drinking that much but people just kept on getting me drinks. Even while waiting online at the coat check a waitress came over and gave us Champagne with rock candy at the bottom. Can I just say, whoever thought of that is a genius. So delicious. There was a lot of food, which was also really good.

Last year I really didn’t know anyone, but this year was so different. I was all over the place talking with people. I was happy I went. Oh I forgot to mention the best part! My company gave everyone the Friday after Christmas and New Years off!! So I am taking the Monday through Wednesday off before New Years and I am taking a nice little vacation. In total I have a 10-day vacation and I only had to take 4 days off of work. How sweet is that???

The only bad this was that it was pouring rain. I walked back to the train to go home and my shoes and pants were soaking wet. My feet were so wet that they actually got all wrinkled like your hands do after swimming for a long time. I got home around 11, took a shower and went right to bed.

I was exhausted but for some reason I woke up an hour before my alarm clock. I was really hyper. Now? I’m crashing fast and I can’t wait for this day to end. This week has been crazy, all this stuff happened and it seriously feels like it’s been weeks since the last weekend. I can’t wait to go home and cozy up on my couch and watch movies. I was supposed to go out and see this local band but I’m not gonna make it. I’m too tried.

This weekend I am determined to finish my Christmas shopping and wrap all my gifts. I also plan on getting my hair done (touch up my roots).

What are your plans?

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Clarification

First I wanted to try and clarify things a little better about the job situation. Right now it is VERY slow here. But even though it is slow I still have triple the amount of work as my fellow co-workers. Basically I’m bored, but for them time is standing still. The reason I have more work is because my boss trusts me the most out of everyone. Which is why I don’t understand how they are getting this amazing praise and I’m getting basically nothing.

Even thought I hate my job I NEVER slack. That’s just not who I am. I do things 100 percent or not at all. Also I’m not complaining about being busy. It at least makes the time go faster. What I am complaining about is the fact that my fellow co-workers are being treated like Gods and yet my boss keeps on giving ME their work. I don’t get it. I feel like I am being walked all over. Which I wouldn’t mind as much if when the time came for a raise, I would get my proper dues. However as of right now it seems I won’t be getting any. I’m just so upset about this I can’t even explain.

Tonight is our Christmas work party. It’s actually held at a ridiculously trendy club here in the city. Seriously, Lindsay Lohan goes to this place. Last year I went and it was fun but I didn’t really know a lot of people yet so I left kinda early. This year I was excited until all this other stuff started happening. Now I don’t even want to go. I will because there will be free booze and also a raffle which I actually won last year. I will be leaving early again, mostly because I want to get home at a semi-decent hour. Unless I have this amazing time, which I doubt, I’ll be home by 10:45.

I’ll let you know how it goes tomorrow!

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Blackout

There was a huge blackout across the county that I live in last night. When I got home from work the train station was pitch black! It was so creepy and it took me a good five minutes to find my car. Also driving out of the place I had to be careful to not hit anyone walking to their car. It was that dark.

I had PT that night and somehow they still had power so I tried to make my way to the place. Not that easy. Since all the lights were out I couldn't make any left turns to go up the highway I needed to go. It took me 20 minutes to get there when it should have taken about five.

It was scary driving down certain roads with zero street lamps or even lights from houses to help guide me. Two cars almost hit me because of all the traffic mixed with confusion. This was the one time I looked forward to PT because at least they had power. Otherwise I would be at home sitting in the dark. By the time I was done, the power had been restored and I didn't have to take a shower in the dark.

Bonus! The power came back on RIGHT before House started and my DVR was able to tape the whole thing for me! I was very happy I didn't miss out because that episode rocked!

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Annoyed

I know I complain about my job a lot here, but I try to censor myself about what actually happens as much as possible for fear that someone will find out where I work and my employers will find out how much I actually hate this place.

This will sound vague but it’s the best I can do right now. I work on a team with 3 other assistants under one manager. Even though I’ve been here the shortest amount of time, my boss gives me the most work to do. He trusts me to get the job done. However it seems that my fellow co-workers are getting a ton more praise for their work and efficiency then I am. Don’t ask how I know, but trust me it’s a fact.

I am FURIOUS. Seriously my manager gives me so much work that I have no idea how I accomplish it all in such a timely manner. He constantly tells me that I am a great worker and how much he appreciates the fact that I have to pickup everyone’s slack. Why the hell am I suddenly being thrown under a bus? The fact of the matter is that this praise will directly affect how much of a raise I will get in a couple of months. If my performance is seen as mediocre my raise will reflect as such. And they? Will get a much bigger raise.

Nothing is for sure yet. I haven’t received my performance review yet or anything. I won’t for a while. But as of right now it doesn’t look good and of course I can’t say anything about it because I’m not even supposed to know what I know right now. Needless to say this has given me the serious push I need to find a new job immediately.

My question for you is have you ever felt seriously under appreciated at your job? Has something like this ever happened to you? If so, how did you handle it?

Monday, December 8, 2008

Holiday Fun

This weekend was a success for Christmas shopping! I am almost done with my shopping. I just need to get a few more things this weekend and I should be set!

On Saturday I went to these new outlets that just opened up. They were insane!! It’s over 100 stores and I basically wanted to go inside EVERY SINGLE ONE. I got a lot of great deals. My friend and I were there for hours, but the time flew by. I normally hate long shopping excursions but this was actually a lot of fun. We walked around, grabbed lunch, and continued our shopping. They place it set up nicely and since they are new everything is clean and pristine. They even had Christmas Carolers set up at different parts. It defiantly got me even more into the holiday spirit.

Also I am proud of myself. I was able to restrain myself from making any personal purchases. I just bought myself a pair of puma sneaker (40 percent off!!) and a new Clinique face powder because mine was on its last leg! Everything else was for friends and family. I was defiantly proud. However you better believe that I will be back there after the holidays to score some great deals!

Shopping wiped me out so I just hung out with a friend and watch movies that night. Sunday my mom and me decorated the Christmas tree. This weekend was defiantly chockfull of holiday spirit and I loved it!!

What have you been doing to get in the holiday spirit?

Friday, December 5, 2008

Does this hurt?

I mentioned before that I need to go for physical therapy for my foot but I was having difficulty finding a place that was open late, on the weekends and accepted my insurance. After a dozen phone calls I finally found a place. I have gone to 2 sessions so far. I am not really satisfied. It’s nothing in particular but rather a bunch of little things put together which is making me loathe going.

Issue One: All the exercises they have given me, I could do at home. It mostly involves stretching my hamstrings and calf muscles and then heating and icing my foot. All of which could be done in the confines of my home…for free.

Issue Two: All Physical Therapists think they are god’s gift. I mentioned casually that I once considered majoring in PT but then decided that I really had no interest and the thought of cutting open dead people scared the bejesus out of me. He then felt the need to inform me that it is really difficult to become a PT and you need to have really great grades and stuff in order to get into a program. Basically informing me that I probably wasn’t smart enough to become one anyway. WTF. That infuriated me. It also caused me to mention to him that not only was I accepted to every college PT program I applied for, I was also offered scholarship to go to one school specifically for PT. Ass.

Issue Three: Back to my PT guy. He really likes to talk. He doesn’t stop. I get that when you’re working one on one with a person that you feel the need to make small talk. However I really hate small talk. Especially when it’s awkward. And it’s really awkward when I’m lying down on my back and you’re down near my foot, massaging it. I’d rather just silence. He also thinks he’s really funny and tells the worst jokes ever. Causing me to fake laugh and it’s getting really obvious. Which is why I am bringing a book next time I go.

Issue Four: It’s awkward. I mean for like 10 to 15 minutes each session he has to massage my foot to help loosen up my muscles and tendons. It is intimate. Not in a sexual way, but in a, there is a guy massaging my foot with cocoa butter. Which makes me feel really awkward. I forgot to mention that before the massage happens, he does this ultra sound thingy to my foot for 6 minutes. All together almost half my time is spent like this and it’s weird. It’s normal procedure. I’m not worried he is hitting on my or anything. It’s just strange. Same thing happened when I had to go to PT for my knee. Almost the whole session involved a friction massage and it got really weird after a while. Also I say massage but it is in no way pleasant. It is one of the most painful things ever. It has to be in order to really loosen up my muscles. But basically every time he asks if it hurts, I want to ask him if me hitting him in the balls would hurt.

I have 4 weeks left of PT. I’m not sure I’m going to make it!

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Can you die from boredom?

Work has been SLOW. I am so bored I am running out of things to do. I had to stop myself from checking my e-mail for the 1,000th time today. It doesn’t change every minute. Facebook is maxed out to. No one is updating their pages every minute (as they should) so my stalking is at a stand still. I cleared out my Google Reader. Even my beloved gossip sites aren’t updating as often as I keep on going back to check.

I need something to do! I’ve already cleared out my filing cabinets and put them away in boxes along with excel sheets in each box that labels what’s inside. I’ve cleared out my work e-mail, and organized my files on the computer. I’ve done so much billing that I can’t bill anymore until I get the folders back from accounting. I’ve even helped out another department do things to help them get caught up. Now they are and I’m back at my desk!

Now I am out of ideas. Which is why I am blogging about being so bored. It is giving me something else to do. However I fear for myself once I post this. It’s only 2:30 and I still have over 4 hours left here! I’m begging you to tell me what you do when you’re bored at work!! I need as many tips as possible.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Which do you prefer?

I know you’ve all heard people say things like, “Yeah I saw that movie but the book was way better.” I usually feel the exact same way. With books you let your imagination run free and when you see the movie a lot of times what you visualized is not what is portrayed in the movie. It is very rare for me to prefer a movie to the book. The only one I can think of right now is Atonement. I loved the book and the movie was almost exactly how I pictured it. The cinematography was so amazing which is why I like the movie slightly more then the book. However I would still recommend you read the book before you watched the movie.

Anyway after I saw Twilight I got to thinking. How many people when after seeing a movie, decide to go and read the book? I can honestly say that I have never done that before. Before seeing Twilight I was determined to read the book before I saw the movie, because I knew if I didn’t I would never read the book. Also in books there are usually a lot of subplots that happen that never make it in the film and I hate being left out of things like that.

Take the Harry Potter books. I saw the movie before ever reading the books. I love the movies but can’t seem to make myself read the books. Even though a lot of people tell me the books are much better and there are also a ton of subplots that never make it in the movie. I just feel like, because of seeing the movie, my imagination will be limited when reading. Everything has already been laid out for me. What the characters look like, their mannerisms, and the locations will already be set. For me that’s half the fun of reading. To dream up your own images.

Have you ever seen a movie and then read the book? Did you like it? Did you end up preferring the movie or the book afterward? I’m very curious.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

The season of giving

I mentioned yesterday that I braved the stores on Black Friday. What I failed to mention was the fact that 75 percent of what I bought ended up being for me and not other people. I can’t seem to stop buying crap for myself. Half of it I don’t even need. I actually bought myself a pair of Uggs. I know I know, but they are just so damn comfortable and I had a pair wayyyy before they became popular. I’m taking my freshman year of high school people. ‘Tis the season of giving and the only person I seem to be giving to is myself. Thankfully I got some self-control of myself and returned the Uggs, but only because they didn’t fit well.

The thing is, I LOVE giving gifts to people. I like taking time and searching for the perfect gift. I love to see their faces light up when they open their gifts. It is one of my favorite things about the holidays. So far I’ve only got 2 people gifts for Christmas. I really need to get moving and I’m starting to freak out that I’m not farther along. Last year at this time I was already done shopping and everything was even wrapped.

I pretty much know everything I need to get people; it’s just a matter of getting to the stores. This weekend I am determined to put a huge dent into my shopping list. My friend and I are going to these new outlet stores that just opened up. There are over 100 stores there and I heard they are amazing. I have to admit, I’m a little intimidated. But I’m glad I’m going to a place where I can hopefully get everything done. Also I am determined to NOT buy myself anything there. I doubt that that will happen, but one can try right?

Wish me luck!

Monday, December 1, 2008

Thanksgiving recap

It’s officially December! I can’t believe it. My four-day weekend was much needed but it ended way to soon. I thought it was just going to consist of me laying around and being lazy but I felt like I was barely home. Which is good I guess, except now I’m counting down to the weekend so I can catch up on some sleep.

Anyway let me start from the beginning. Wednesday is a huge night to go out. Everywhere. It is also the night where you literally see every single person that you went to high school with. It was crazy. I like going out, but I hate when I go out and you can barely move because there are so many people. I much rather be at a dive bar then dealing with this. Plus I ended up being DD, so while everyone around me was wasted I was sober counting down the minutes until it was acceptable to leave.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy that I went out and saw all those people but after a while you get tired of people asking you the same questions over and over again. “How are you? What do you do? Do you like it? Where are you living?” and then of course I can’t be rude so I have to ask them back, even if I could care less. Even if I didn’t ask them, the person would just voluntarily tell me her life story. “Well I am working at blah blah blah…”

Thanksgiving was great. My mom controlled her freak-outs about cooking and getting ready pretty well this year. Plus my uncle came early and pretty much set up everything for us! There was so much food it was insane. It was delicious and everyone seemed to enjoy themselves. I love seeing all of my family and just hanging out with them. By the end of the day I was exhausted. I was defiantly in bed early.

Friday I woke up with no particular plans that day. Then I decided to test the waters and do a little shopping. I made a deal with myself that I would drive by one shopping center and if I could find a spot I would go inside. Luckily I did find one, it was not close to the door, and braved the stores. Inside them it wasn’t so bad. I got what I needed and barely had to wait in line to pay. Since that was a success I decided to brave Kohls. That was a bad idea. It was pure chaos in the store. I needed to get a watch for my friend and I found a great one that was 60 percent off plus an extra 15 percent if I bought it before noon. It was 11:30. I grabbed a ticket and waited in line. And waited. They called my number at 11:55. I quickly told her which one and paid for it. I didn’t even look at it up close. It was perfect and cheap and now I am done with that person!

Afterward my friend and I went to see Twilight. I was pretty happy with how the movie turned out. It followed the book for the most part, plus Edward was really hot. My friend who hasn’t read the book really liked the movie. I will soon start on the next book. I heard they weren’t as good, but now that I’m sucked in I can’t stop!

That night a bunch of us went out. First we went to a house party. Which I haven’t done since I was a freshman in college. I felt really old. Then the party moved on to a bar down the street and the night got infinitely better. We didn’t get home until really late and that along with the days before I was seriously lacking in sleep. I promised them I would meet them for brunch, cut to me still sleeping, and my friend calling me to see where the hell I was. I threw on my clothes and rushed to meet everyone. It was nice catching up and recapping the night with everyone. Afterwards I went home, put my PJs back on and watched movies all day long. It was great, just what I needed.

I hate to admit this but I watched some Christmas movies. The Santa Clause, Elf, and Love Actually. All favorites of mine.

All in all it was a great mini break. How was your holiday??

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Happy Thanksgiving

In just a few hours I get to go home and my weekend officially starts!! I am so excited that tomorrow is Thanksgiving. All my family will be coming to our house and I can't wait to see them! I probably won't be posting til the weekend or maybe even Monday so I hope you all have a great holiday!

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Obsessed

I caved in. I didn’t want to but I couldn’t resist. I bought Twilight. I’ve read 200 pages in about 2 hours. I can’t seem to put it down. As soon as I finish, I plan on racing to the theater to see the movie. I cannot believe I caved and now I’m as obsessed as everyone else. It is really good, totally filled with teen angst but I love books like that. If you like books like that I suggest you read it.

I cannot wait for thanksgiving!! I can already smell the turkey and all the other goodies. I just need to get through my half day tomorrow and it will be the weekend for me!!

Christmas is exactly one month from today. Seriously? Where did 2008 go? This year has flown by. Crazy that it will soon be a new year. I’m excited because I love new beginnings and the New Year is perfect to start them. Are you excited about the upcoming holidays?

Completely random but I think I may have a ghost. Let me explain. I have a fan in my room. In the summer it is always going, but now since it’s cold and my mom doesn’t believe in leaving the heat on at night I’ve had little use for it. However TWO times this past week I’ve woken up to my fan going. I keep on trying to remember that I may have woken up a little warm and turned it on, but I cannot remember doing so. I should note that I have a remote for the light and fan so if I want to put it on I just have to lean over and press the button.

So I either A. put the fan on in my sleep or B. I have a ghost and they noticed I was warm and was kind enough to put the fan on. What do you think? If this were just a one-time occurrence I would just shrug it to me forgetting, but twice in one week? I’m a little freaked out.

Monday, November 24, 2008

Long Lost pal

This past weekend was amazing. I had a blast. It was so good to see my friends. Best of all, my friend whom I haven’t seen in 2 years actually came!! I was so happy. We all had a great time catching up and celebrating. This was the first time in months that I went out and time flew by! It was like I blinked and it was already last call. I really needed a night like this.

The drive down was good. I picked a good weekend to drive down because there was no traffic. I made record time in getting there. I tried one of those audio books for the ride down and I did not like it at all. I don’t know if it was the book not being that great, the reader voice, or the fact that I was acutely aware that I was being read to. The whole thing was just bad. I stopped after 45 minutes of listening to a woman drone on and on. I really thought I would like it, but it was not good. Thankfully I bought the thing on super sale so I’m not that mad at wasting the money.

Seeing my friend who I haven’t seen in a while was good. I’ll call her, Country because she of where she lives and how she acts sometimes It was good to catch up on everything but at the same time I felt really old. It was like she was still a kid and I was a grown-up listening to her drama filled stories thinking to myself, “I really can’t relate to this anymore. Thank God.” When she dropped out of school she moved back to her tiny little town. To this day she still hangs out with everyone she hung out in high school and is still experiencing the SAME exact problems she had years ago. Instead of dumping her friends that cause her nothing but problems she still hangs out with them just because. There is no reason.

I grew out of that mentality a LONG time ago. I don’t stay friends with a person just for the sake of being friends. If you’re hurtful to me and cause me nothing but pain why the hell would I continue to be friends with you? Every time she started a story it involved the same girl who she was bitching about back in our sophomore year of college. She would say, “You know Steph the girl you don’t like? Well…” I wanted to be like, Hello? There is a reason why I don’t like her. She is awful to you!

While I commend her on finally finishing college, having a good job and a very nice boyfriend, she is still stuck in that high school mentality about so many things. I just wanted to shake her and tell her that she is deserves so much better then that. I’m afraid that until she moves out of that town she won’t ever really grow up.

I do hope that now we will stay in better contact with each other.

It was great seeing my other friends. They are one of my closest friends and I miss seeing them all the time. We always have such a great time together. They are one of my few friends where I feel like I can act like myself completely, it’s too bad they live so far away.

Also I am so excited about having a short workweek!!!

Thursday, November 20, 2008

On the road again

This week has been never ending for me! It’s Thursday and I feel like it’s been 2 weeks since Monday! Work is slow right now due to the holiday coming up. This is the calm before the storm, because come January I will be super busy again. I like being busy because even though I want to pull out my hair, the week goes by faster.

This weekend I am going to Maryland to visit my friends from college. At first the thought of driving 3 hours made me feel sick and I was dreading it. Now? I realize that this weekend is perfect and I really miss my friends.

Since it is a random weekend I’m not too worried about traffic. There will be some in places where I always hit traffic, but for the most part it won’t be like last time.

It’s good that I am going this weekend, because even though I won’t get a lot of sleep, I have a short workweek and a 4-day weekend following so I can catch up then! Also the Wednesday before Thanksgiving I found out that I get a half day so yay for that!

I mentioned before that I had to do PT for my foot. I made an appointment for this coming Saturday early morning and I found out yesterday that they don’t take my insurance! So while I am back at square one of finding a place, I am secretly really happy about getting a few extra hours of sleep before I hit the road.

What I’m most excited about this weekend is one of my friends who I haven’t seen in TWO years is supposedly coming!! Now I’m not holding my breath because last time we were supposed to meet up she totally bailed at the last minute. But I’m hoping that she will make the effort and I can see her.

We were really close in college, were roommates for a year and went on vacations together, she was like a sister to me. However, after she dropped out and moved back to her tiny little town, we lost touch for a little while. She went right back to acting like she was in high school and I just could not handle that stuff anymore. We talked sporadically but I do really miss her and I hope by seeing her this weekend we can revive our friendship.

Either way it will be a fun weekend and a nice break. Plus after this weekend the holidays will officially start and I cannot wait!

Speaking of which, I was supposed to go shopping for Christmas gifts last weekend and that was a total FAIL. I need to get moving on that immediately.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Sigh of Relief

I feel so much better. After that post yesterday I felt like I could let out a huge sigh. I have never told any of my friends in real like that before. It felt good to finally tell someone about how I feel. And thank you so much for your thoughtful words, it comforted me and made me okay with keeping that post up.

In other news, CC at Fork in the road gave me another award!! Thank you! I really appreciate this!

The award says: "This blog invests and believes in proximity" (meaning, that blogging makes us 'close'-being close through proxy). These blogs are exceedingly charming. These kind bloggers aim to find and be friends. They are not interested in prizes or self-aggrandizement. Our hope is that when the ribbon of these prizes are cut, even more friendships are propagated. Please give more attention to these writers!

So I am giving this award right back to CC because we share a lot in common and here are the rest of my recipients. Defiantly check them out!

CC – Fork in the Road
Karen – Smiling through it all
Emily – No Matter how it starts
Ashley – Turquoise Ribbons
Alexandreena – A Toast to Shoes
Rachel – Three-Point-Five-Years

Enjoy!

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

My secret

Before I start let me preface this by saying that I’m not depressed this week. I wrote this post a while ago but I just haven’t had the guts to post it. I felt like today would be fitting. But there is no need to be worried about all these melancholy posts I’ve put up. Fun ones will soon resume.

Today is blog secret day and although I didn’t participate in it, I decided to post my own secret. Even though I guess you can’t really call it a secret if you know it is coming from me. Anyway here it is. I can’t trust people. I seem to always be waiting for the day for a person to let me down.

This started with my dad. I’ve mentioned him before but I wanted to give a little background in order to explain my problems with trust.

I tried to start a relationship about seven years after he left. I was tired of being angry and I just wanted to move on. So I started e-mailing him. I asked him a lot of questions. He never gave me a straight answer. Or he would twist my words around until they were the complete opposite of what I said. The best part? Was that he told me that he doesn’t trust his daughter and didn’t want to be manipulated by me. Me! The man who left my mother for another woman and then didn’t try to have a relationship with me, was scared that his 19 year old daughter was going to manipulate him.

Here is an excerpt from one of his e-mails to me. And yes I’ve kept them all

Not to sound cold, because that is not how I feel, but as much as I love you, and I do. I am keenly aware that I don’t want to be manipulated by my daughter at this late date. Call me skeptical, because I am. After all Carolyn, it's been seven years of me missing you and for what? You have been scared of me? I guess this is a good time to say thank you for the fathers day card. Thanks, it was touching but it would have meant more if it was accompanied by a Philip Margolis book like the old days. I miss you giving me a book."

Let’s break that down shall we? First he actually says he doesn’t want to get manipulated by me, but conveniently forgets that he is the one who cut off communication in the beginning. Then, while he does thank me for a card I get him, he actually has the audacity to say that it would have meant more if there was a gift accompanied. What the hell. This was at the very beginning of the relationship. He was lucky to get a freakin card. Not to mention that throughout our whole relationship he accused me of being spoiled and that the only reason why I talked to him was to get money from him.

If that were the case I would have started talking to him a long time ago. Other then pay for part of my college education (he was supposed to pay for it all), I never received one dime from him. I never asked for one dime from him. Even when I was supposed to get more money for school, I just ended up taking student loans then have to fight with him for more money.

Anyway, I am getting off track. I could talk about the things he did for hours. I can’t trust people, especially the opposite sex because of my father. More then anything else, I hate him for this. I purposefully date men who I know things won’t work out with. If a guy does hit on me, I think that he must be making a mistake and/or there was no one better around. Worst of all? I use my weight as the number one defense mechanism. A guy doesn’t like me? Well it’s because of my weight not who I actually am. I hate that I do this and yet I don’t know how to stop.

I’ve been to therapy but this is one topic that I tended to avoid. It’s something I need to figure on my own. If I don’t figure it out on my own, I fear that I will never be able to truly trust a person. It saddens me that I’m 24 and have never been in a serious relationship that I have never truly loved a guy before. I am so scared of getting hurt that I prevent myself from getting those feelings. I know in time this will eventually happen, but I am scared that I won’t let it happen.

So here is my secret. I am afraid of falling in love.

Monday, November 17, 2008

Pain in the A**

When it comes to family genes, I have gotten the worst from both sides of my family. In particular when it comes to my joints. I’ve mentioned before that I’ve had multiple surgeries on my knee and my shoulder and a few other things. Well for the past year, I’ve had a heel spur. Which isn’t so bad, until it started to affect my ligaments. I now have full-blown plantar fasciitis. I’m in a lot of pain and the worst part is that the doctor can’t really do that much about it.

I’ve gotten shots to help reduce the pain. The shot was extremely painful and the relief was only temporary. I’ve done at home exercises, gotten splints and taped up my foot, and taken any type of anti-inflammatory medication known to mankind. Nothing is working. If anything, it’s getting worse.

Normally, I would just deal with it until it got better eventually. But these are my feet and I walk a lot every day. I can’t just ignore it. Also because of the pain, I am walking funny and it is causing my knee to be in pain. Basically, it’s a mess.

This past Saturday I went in for a check up and the doctor told me that we had to really step this up. One he gave me a six-day pack of steroids to take to reduce my inflammation. Steroids. I defiantly freaked out a little bit when he said that. He also told me that I had to find a way to go to physical therapy. This was unbelievably hard for me to do. Because of my work schedule and commuting I don’t get home until 8:30 at night. Most places close way before then and since I leave so early a lot of places are closed.

I thankfully found a place that is open until 8 pm each day and has Saturday office hours. Even though I will have to leave work 2 hours early to make the appointment, it will only have to be one day a week because I will go on Saturdays also. I have my first appointment this Saturday. The only thing? I don’t know if they take my insurance. They told me that they accept most, but will have to put it through the system to see. So fingers crossed that this lady accepts my insurance.

I started the six-day pack on Saturday. It defiantly made me feel a little funny the first day, but it’s been fine. Well, besides being unbelievably hungry 24-7. On the upside? My pain is almost non-existent right now. Too bad this is only temporary but I’ll take what I can get.

I’m just so over having all these medical problems. I just wish I could be normal person and not have to worry about things like this. It’s saddens me that in the past 5 years I’ve never had a pain free day. I’m only 24; I shouldn’t have to be worried about this yet.

Sorry about the woe is me post, but I haven’t slept in the past few days and I needed to get this out so I can hopefully have a sound sleep tonight.

Friday, November 14, 2008

Hodgepodge

After I revealed who I was, I kind of freaked out and had to fight every urge to not take it down. I am now finally okay with what I did. I am happy that now you can put a face to a blog.

However. The other day I changed my background of my blog and I ended up really liking it. Then when I changed my name on the side bar it would not stay on one line! What the hell? It said Caroly and the N was under the C. I tried everything I could think of to make it stay on one like but alas as I’ve mentioned before I am not tech savvy. I ended up changing my background again! And I don’t like this one nearly as much as the other. But what can I do? I don’t want people to think my name is Caroly and my last name is just the letter N.

The good thing about revealing my actual name is that I can tell you about something that happens to me on a daily basis. At my job, I have to talk to a lot of people on the phone. When is rings, I say, “Hello, this is Carolyn speaking.” I’m not really sure what is wrong with these people but about 40 percent of the time they answer back “Hello KAREN this is blah blah blah.” Karen? My name is not Karen this is CAROLYN.

It happens all the time. I don’t know why it is. It’s not like I’m mumbling or talking really fast. The girl who sits next to me can attest to that. It’s like they hear the first syllable I say and automatically think my name is Karen. It happens so often that I’ve stopped correcting most of them.

Even at the train station that I wait at every morning, there is one guy that thinks my name is Karen. Every morning, he says to me “Good morning Karen!” It’s been months. It’s too late now for me to correct him. So I just let him call me that. I fear for the day I see someone I know and they say my actual name. He will feel like a jackass. I feel like I’m Chandler on Friends where the guy at his work thinks his name is Toby. It’s just to embarrassing now to change it. What’s funny is that when I first met him he said my name correctly. Then somehow it morphed into Karen.

It gets very tiring after a while. I almost want to take an earlier train just to avoid it. And when I answer the phone? I try and say my name as slowly and carefully as possible. It still doesn’t work. I’m not I will ever be able to find a solution.

Switching topics, I wanted to let you know that my hair is darker and redder now then in the photo. And yes I do realize that I look much younger then 24 in the picture. I have somewhat of a baby face that people love to comment on. But I like that picture. With the holidays coming up I should get an updated photo of myself and I will post it.

Speaking of holidays, I can’t believe Thanksgiving is in less then 2 weeks!! I am so excited. It is by far my favorite holiday. Good food and great company gathered round. It’s great. We have it at our house every year and I love that. Our family is there for the day and at night family friends stop over to visit. Oh and the food. There is so much food. As if a 25-pound turkey wasn’t enough, my mom also makes a ham and since we are Italian we have to have a pasta course to begin with. It is ridiculous. I feel full after the appetizers.

This weekend I decided to get an early start and try to do some Christmas shopping. Wish me luck!!

What about you? Have you gotten a head start on holiday shopping??

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

100th!

This is my 100th post!! I cannot believe I kept up with this for so long. Usually when I start something like this, I get bored fast and end up forgetting about it. This is different. This is a place where I can really be me and that’s why I have kept up with it for as long as I have. Also, I really appreciate everyone who reads this and also I love every single comment I get. That’s another reason why I keep up with this. I defiantly feel like I have bloggy friends, even if we’ve never really talked before. I get a deep personal look into your lives and I feel close to you guys. But I’m start to sound creepy so I will move on.

Before I mentioned that to celebrate this milestone I would either A) say my real name or B) post a picture of myself. I went back and forth for a really long time and finally decided to do both!!!!

I can’t stand using a fake name anymore; it makes this blog feel foreign. Also, I figured that if anyone I know ever came across this blog they would know it was me in a second so it really shouldn’t matter if I post a picture. Plus, even though I am terrified of a person in my personal life finding this blog, at the same time it would probably be a blessing for them to really see the real me.

So without further hesitation my name is actually:


Carolyn! (pronounced CaroLYNNE not CaroLINE)


This is the only picture I could find of me by myself. This was taken over the summer when I was in Mexico.


Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Updates

I decided to change up my blog a little bit. The pink was just too overwhelming for me. I'm not crazy about what I picked, but until I find something better this will have to do.

My mom's birthday was a success!! She loved my gift. The day was pretty nice, we didn't do to much but it was a nice relaxing day.

Nothing seems to be going right at work today. Our e-mail is all messed up, I can't send anything out. Plus I can't really make any calls because most people have off today. Apparently my company likes to torture their employees by making them come to the office, but not giving them any work to do. It's a blast sitting in a cubicle of 9 hours with nothing to do.

Counting down the hours til I can leave.


How's your day been?

Monday, November 10, 2008

Pet Peeves

One of my biggest pet peeves is when a person doesn’t act like themselves and/or pretends to be someone they’re not. It drives me crazy. If someone doesn’t like who you are, don’t change yourself. You’ll never feel comfortable in your own skin if you do this.

I mentioned a while ago that my best friend is dating a guy who is just not right for her. Well, sadly they are still seeing each other. I told her my concerns and she just told me to not worry that she’s just having fun and this won’t ever get serious. Even though from the looks of things it is getting really serious really quickly.

Anyway, last night she asked me if I wanted to come over and watch the football game with her and RM. You could have knocked me over with a feather. My friend? She HATES football. She thinks it’s boring and doesn’t even know what is going on half the time. Now she is voluntarily watching football with this guy? What the hell? I know more about football then she does and occasionally goes to games, but I don’t pretend to be a huge fan or know more then I do. I think it’s lame to do things like this just to appease a guy.

I never thought she would do something like this. I have never seen her pretend to be into something just because a guy is. I mean she hates football so much that she refused to go to games when we were in high school. Even now, when the homecoming game happens and thousands of alumni show up for the game each year, she refuses to go. Even to just see people from high school. I can’t believe she is not acting like herself. You better believe that when I talk to her today she will be made fun of for becoming THAT girl. I just hope she doesn’t keep this shit up.

Also I wanted to note that I understand when girls do stuff just to spend more time with a guy. I get that. Especially when you’re still in the get to know each other phase and you want to spend as much time as possible with the person. What I don’t like is going over and above and pretending to love something that you hate. There are other things you guys can do to spend time with one another, one that would actually make you closer to one another.

Friday, November 7, 2008

I love free stuff!

Today in my office the HR staff had boxes of free beauty products from a really nice brand. A mass e-mail was sent out to get it while you can and there was a mad rush to stock up. I ended up with a great face wash and a bunch of samples of other stuff. I am soo excited. What a nice way to end the work week. I have NO idea why or how we even got this stuff as we have nothing to do with the company, but whatever I don't normally question free stuff. Just when I start to think this place as my own personal hell, they do something really cool like this and all is forgiven. For now.

Also, we are quickly approaching my 100th post. I made a decision about what to do, but I am keeping it a secret!

Happy Friday!

Thursday, November 6, 2008

It’s the thought that counts!

This weekend is my mom’s birthday and she is the hardest person to buy a present for! My mom is defiantly one of those people who judge’s the gift and not the thought behind the gift. There has been many times when she made me cry because she didn’t like the gift I gave her.

Example one: When I was about 7 or 8 my dad took me to a jewelry store to pick out a present for my mom. Obviously he was going to pay for it, but it was going to come from me and it was my job to pick it out. Needless to say I was very excited by this. I ended up picking a bracelet that had different charms on it. That night I gave my mom her gift. She opened it up, took one look at it and said: “It’s ugly”. Seriously. She actually said that right to my face! I was crushed. I spent the rest of the night crying in my room. To really put salt on the wound, the next morning we went back to the place where I bought the bracelet and she returned it and she bought herself a silk scarf. She still wears that thing to this day, and every time I see it I cringe just a little.

Example two: I’m about 12. My dad is no longer in the picture so I save up a little babysitting money and get my mom a gift. She specifically told me that she wanted a Bob Seger tape (this was before CDs got popular). So I went to the Wiz, seriously dating myself here, and bought her TWO Bob Seger tapes. Her birthday comes and I give my present to her. She takes the tapes out of the gift bag and is very happy. Finally! Then she put the tapes down and looked back into the bag. She looked up after searching and asked me, “Is that all you got me?” Umm hello?? I’m 12. I’m not really rolling in the dough here. Again, I am crushed that I didn’t make my mom happy and go to my room and have a good cry.

After those 2 incidents every time her birthday comes, I freak out because I have to find the perfect gift. Of course when I ask her what she wants she tells me that there is nothing she needs or wants, and whatever I get will be great. Yeah, right.

This year I bought her a citrine necklace (pictured), her birth stone, and two sweaters from a store she shops at all the time. I really hope she likes them!


Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Halfway through the week…

Yesterday was just one of those days. Nothing went right for me. I couldn’t sleep the whole night and ended with me waking up at 5:30 in the morning. I can usually make myself go back to sleep but I just sat there looking at the ceiling. Finally at 6:30 I just decided to get up and start my day. The good thing about being up early is that when I went to vote I was done in about 5 minutes. Awesome. What’s not cool? Not getting an “I voted” sticker so I could get some damn free Starbucks or any free stuff that multiple companies were offering to people who voted.

Since voting took 5 minutes I took a much earlier train then usual. I got into work an hour and fifteen minutes early. Can you say overtime? I was the first person in the office. Everyone came in late because they were voting.

Around lunchtime, I realized that I forgot my lunch and it is at home sitting on my kitchen table. I had very little cash on me and ended up with a cup of soup to last me the rest of the day.

THEN, I realize that there is a huge hole in the crotch of my pants. I spent the rest of the day paranoid that while walking someone would see the hole. Good thing I had underwear on. lol. I would never forget to wear underwear.

The rest of the day, it just seemed like nothing went my way. It was all little stuff, but it quickly added up and ended up being a pretty sucky day. Which is weird because it should have been great. I told my boss that I hadn’t voted yet and he let me leave 2 hours earlier then usual! I guess it was just one of those days. Though I will say getting home from work at that time last night was awesome. I actually had dinner at a normal time for once!

Monday, November 3, 2008

Am I missing something?

This past weekend was kinda strange. A really good family friend gave birth to a little girl on Saturday. My mom and I went to the hospital to see the baby. She is adorable. We only stayed a short time and then we all went out to lunch while the new mom rested up. It was great seeing them since it had been a while and felt good to catch up. I have known these people my entire life; they are more like family then friends. Whenever we see them it’s like no time has past. There were no awkward lulls in conversation; it feels like it was just yesterday since we last saw each other.

Then on Sunday, a really good friend of mine called me to tell me that she is engaged! They have been dating for over six years (since high school) and he finally popped the question. While I’m not surprised that they are engaged, I still can’t believe it. She’s a year younger then me! I feel like it was just yesterday we were playing with our Barbies in my basement.

I feel old. With these two events that happened this weekend I feel like a grown up. Actually scratch that. I feel like a kid trapped in an adult’s body. All these people I know who are around my age are reaching these huge milestones in their lives and I’m nowhere near reaching them. It’s not that I am jealous or feel left out (I do a little) it’s that I feel way to young to even be thinking about those things, let alone actually doing them. I have no urge to grow up that quickly.

However I am an adult, I feel like I should be thinking about these things. Why aren’t these things even remotely close to my list of priorities? I cannot even adequately express my confusion with this matter. I can’t describe how I feel right now. I couldn’t be happier for these people, truly, but it makes me worry about why I’m not thinking about these things and why I’m not being proactive to grow up. Am I making any sense right now?????

Friday, October 31, 2008

Not only is it Friday...

but it’s Halloween!!! I cannot wait til I can go home, put on my pjs and watch scary movies!



Happy Halloween! I hope you have a great weekend!

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Where did the time go?

I recently realized that I am quickly approaching my 100th post! I can’t believe I have made it this far. Now I’ve been thinking of a way to mark this special occasion and I’ve come up with a few options. One is that I reveal my actual first name. The other is that I will post a picture of myself. Now let me preface this that I may not do either. I like being anonymous and I feel like if I were to reveal either of the two someone I know would absolutely find me.

Which is why I am asking you. If I were to do one, which should it be? And if you have any tips on how to sooth my paranoia so that I can get the guts to do either would be great!


Finally to close out the post, I am putting some pictures up from my adventure at the corn maze!




Our lovely hayride


As you can see, we were all alone on the ride




My cousin try to find her way out. Little did we know it was right around the corner.




I took this in the car on the way home. It is currently my background on my computer.




We had better scenery in the car then we did at the farm!



Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Corn Maze

This past weekend I decided to take my cousins to a corn maze. I looked up places online and found the perfect place. They had a corn maze that was 3 acres, and so complex that they gave you a map and they had a person on a watchtower looking out to make sure everyone finds their way out. I was so excited. I get my cousins on Sunday morning and we make our way to the maze. It was 11 am and I guess people chose to sleep in late that day because when we got there, we were the ONLY people there. At first I thought it might be closed, but upon further inspection we just realized that we were their first customers of the day. Which was fine by me.

I pay for the maze and learn that we get to take a hayride to the maze for free!! Sweet, I love hayrides! Because we were the only people there we got the VIP treatment. We were the only ones on the hayride, all three of us. The big huge contraption made to hold dozens of people was all to ourselves. Needless to say, I felt super cool. The hayride goes about 3 miles per hour so it took what seemed forever to get to the maze. I was getting excited about the maze and a little nervous that we would never find our way out.

Suddenly we stop. I’m confused because there is NO way that this is the corn maze. This little field that we saw on the way in, that’s behind their pumpkin patch is the Maze?? We could have walked to the entrance it was that close to where we parked. There was no need for the hayride. The guy gets off and opens the door to let us out. I hesitate because this MUST be a mistake. This is not 3 acres. Where was the watchtower? We didn’t even get any maps. No sir, keep driving to the real maze. He stands there, getting inpatient that I won’t get off. I finally concede and get off.

Even though it looks small, it will probably be really intricate with dozens of twists and turns. It doesn’t matter the size, all that matters are the paths that will make us lost. We run in, excited again. There are some turns, but not that many twists. Mostly there are forks in the maze and each route ended up in the same place. I know because we tested both. After about 5 minutes we reach the end. WTF. This was supposed to take us hours to complete!!! We decide to prolong long the end and go back in. We run around some more, scaring each other by jumping out from behind the stalks. But no matter how hard we tried to make ourselves lost we would end up at the finish line!

Defeated we decided to call it a day. We left the maze at 11:30 am. To make up for the bust that was the corn maze, I took my cousins to lunch and then went to go see High School Musical 3. It did not disappoint.

Friday, October 24, 2008

My To Do

Let me start by saying I HATE to do lists. Especially when it comes to life. A lot of people do these lists to help guide them, either it be toward a better you or making a list of things to do before reaching a certain age. I don’t usually like them because I feel like it puts to much pressure on you. I am one of those people that when I say I will do something, I do it. I don’t just talk the talk I walk the walk. That’s why I avoid making lists. I would hate myself if I didn’t complete it. I would actually feel guilty and feel like a failure. On the other hand, I feel like I need to make a list now, to get myself motivated and moving toward the right direction.

Which is why I made a list of things to do before I turn 25. Twenty-five will be a big birthday for me, and its one of those ages where when your younger you feel like your whole life will be in place. I now know that that whole mentality is bullshit, but at the same time I do need to be going in some sort of direction toward that life. Whatever it may become.

Now to alleviate that pressure I am not making it mandatory for me to finish the whole list and I have also thrown in fun stuff to make it seem less daunting. Enjoy.


Here is my list of things to do before I turn 25 in about 7 months. Enjoy.

  • Get a new job that I actually like
  • Eat healthier
  • Take a photography class
  • Start getting more exercise (walking to the printer at work doesn't count)
  • Get more of a social life
  • Start dating more (oh who am I kidding, just start dating period)
  • Try and talk out my issues with my mother (tried before, didn't work. Maybe this time it will)
  • Take a road trip somewhere
  • Become friends with my brother. Actual friends that hang out, not people who constantly fight or just ignore each other.
  • To be able to handle my anxiety better
  • Go see a Broadway musical (I haven't been to one in soo long)
  • Start saving more money
  • Get another tattoo (I'm still debating this one)
  • Actually go out in the city (instead of just coming to work and then leaving right away)
  • Stop obsessing over things I have no control over
  • Swim in a fountain (I've always wanted to do this)

So wish me luck and here’s to the improved me!

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Notes

Thanks for all the feed back from the last post!!! I guess we can all safely say that no matter what this guy’s deal is, they shouldn’t be involved. However I had already told my concerns to her last weekend after I had meet him. She is fully aware of my thoughts, and that’s where it will stop. If she continues to see him, which she has, I will not say anymore bad things. I want her to still be able to talk to me about him, and if she knows how much I dislike him I know she will stop.

That’s what happened last time. She knew I didn’t like her boyfriend so whenever they were having problems she very rarely told me because she didn’t want to hear me say, “I told you so”. Or when the broke up for the 5th time, my sighs knowing that it wouldn’t be permanent. Let’s just say, if she had stayed near her college to work, they would still be in this predicament. I know that with any relationship for anyone, they only see what they want to see and ignore the rest. Telling your opinion on the situation will only help destroy yours. For now, I will sit back and just hope the situation works itself out and they will stop soon.

Onto something totally non-related, my company is finally beginning to see the effects of the crappy economy. We had a team meeting today and my boss told us about the massive layoffs that have been going on in the company. One division was completely eliminated already. Thankfully, my department is still bringing in a good amount of money and we aren’t that worried about being fired. I personally am not worried right now. I am so busy and my boss just keeps on pilling it on. He did mention the fact that we need to constantly look busy because people are watching (can you say big brother?). If anything, when it comes time for performance reviews my raise might not be too good. On the other hand, I really don’t want to still be here come February. We’ll see how that plays out.

Finally, I will try to get a picture up of my new hair. I am just trying to figure out how I can do so without showing my face. I really suck at photoshop. I got one of the best compliments the other day. This guy in my office came over and said: “I almost didn’t recognize you! You’re hair looks great. What are you trying to do? Make all the other girls in the office jealous of you???” Seriously one of the best compliments, EVER.

Monday, October 20, 2008

It’s official

I am obsessed with my new hair! I went to the salon and hairstylist and I discussed what I wanted to do with my hair. I told her that I always wanted to go red, but I was to scared of it not looking good. First, she tried to push highlights on me. NO thanks. It’s too much upkeep and I prefer my hair darker. We finally settled on this dark brown with red cooper undertones in it. It looks so nice. It compliments my skin color, and makes my eyes looker really blue. It is a lot redder then we were expecting but it worked out better. People keep on complementing it, saying that it is perfect for the fall weather. She also cut off a lot of dead ends so it looks much healthier now. I don’t usually talk about myself this way, but I am obsessed.

Also this weekend, my friend and I went out to a bar. This guy and a couple of her friends came out with us. The guy, who I will call RM, is someone my friend is kind of interested in but doesn’t know what the deal is with him. In comes me because she knows I can read people well and plus that’s what best friends are for: to give their honest opinion of a potential boy.

The main reason why she wanted me to meet him is/was because she thinks he’s gay. Here are the reasons why she thinks this. 1. He likes to go to gay clubs. 2. He once made out with a guy in high school. 3. Is metro-sexual, way into his looks and designer label obsessed.

On the other hand, he has had a bunch of girlfriends and recently broke up with a girl he had been dating for a year and a half. Also she asked him point blank, if he was gay or at least Bi and he told her no and if he was he would tell her.

Back to Friday night. I meet him and I really don’t think he is gay. I do however think he is a huge tool and I cannot believe she likes him. I really wanted to like him because her I hated her past boyfriend and it defiantly caused a bit of a strain for a while between us. Needless to say, I was right and they did eventually break up for good. But this guy, she has even less in common with him then her last boyfriend. She basically even told me that if there were other guys around right now that she could possibly date she wouldn’t even be considering RM, but because there’s not, she is just going out with him.

I think this is horrible. She is settling for a guy that she has nothing in common and to be honest I don’t think he is even really interested in her. He always texts her, and NEVER calls. By the way I hate people who only text. They have been on 2 official dates and he has barely showed any actual interest in her, AKA did not try to kiss or even touch her in the way guys do (grazing an arm, pushing away hair, “accidentally” bumping into each other) when they are into someone. The only time he has shown a lot of interest was when we went out and we met up with a bunch of our guy friends. He probably got jealous at all the attention and was extra attentive with her. Oh and they’re second date was prompted the day after we all went out.

So what do you think? Is he into her and just shy? Gay? Or just not that interested?

Also, have you ever dated a guy just because you had no other options?

Friday, October 17, 2008

Hair Therapy

I am feeling a little bit better. Not terribly but better. I am very happy that it’s the weekend and I cannot wait to sleep in tomorrow. This weekend I am getting my hair done. I will color it and get a trim. I cannot wait. Getting my hair done is one of my favorite things to do and it always makes me feel better. I love being pampered and I love the smell of the salon.

Also, I know this will sound weird but I always seem to do something drastic with my hair whenever my life gets crazy. I don’t know why, but I guess its helps me feel more in control. Last time? I cut 8 inches of my hair and it fell just below my ears. This time, I will only be dying my hair to either a dark brown/auburn color, but it will still be a change. I hope it helps me straighten things out.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Anniversary

Exactly one year ago I started this job. I cannot believe that I have been here for a whole year. I didn’t think I would still be here. I realized this place wasn’t for me within a month of starting here. I promised myself that I would be out in six months. That never happened. Life got in the way. The economy went into the crapper and I couldn’t figure out what to do next. So instead of actively looking for a job, I got scared and I just continued working.

I’m still scared and I still don’t know what to do next. Which is why I’m still not actively searching. Sure, I send out a resume here and there but my heart isn’t into it. I’m really scared that I will still be here come next year. I am stuck and I don’t know what to do.

I really wish that I could just snap out of this and figure out what the hell I should be doing. I need more time to figure this out. However, I don’t really have time to figure it out when I am gone from 7:30 in the morning to 8:30 at night. I’m so busy with this job that I can’t see straight.

I’m really tempted to go back to school. But I don’t know what I should do. I have some ideas, but I’m afraid I will pick the wrong major. Like I did last time. I know that working in this field is not for me. The typical 9-5 job, or in my case 10-7, is not for me. I do not want to sit in front of a computer anymore.

I need to talk this out with someone but I really don’t know who or even how. It cannot be my mother because we are so opposite. I know EXACTLY what she will say to me and it’s not what I want. She can’t just listen and give output. Instead she interrupts and criticizes. I’ve tried that and I’m not trying again. I can talk to my friends, but they are either in a career that they love and wouldn’t understand or they are just as lost as me. ARRGH. I am so frustrated about this and this day makes it that much worse.

I did not want to still be here after a year. But here I am. Now I feel like there is a ticking bomb just waiting to go off. I feel more pressure then ever to figure out my next move and just do it already. If I want to go back to school, I would need to have if settled really soon if I wanted to start in January. If I go the other way and just try to find a new job, I don’t want to be here any longer then necessary.

I have a lot to figure out, and not a lot of time to do it. I had no idea this would be so hard and frustrating. I thought my twenties were going to be amazing and carefree. Turns out there is a lot of work involved.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

You’ve never done that?!?!

This morning on the train a woman sat next to me who had to be in her mid to late sixties. She kept on going on and on about how excited she was. I thought she was just excited about going into the city. It turns out that she has NEVER ridden a train before! How is that possible??? A woman that age and she has never been on a train! Planes I can sorta understand, but a train? Especially when you live in a town that close to the city. Most people living around here start riding the train when they are young to go to the city. Driving is a pain plus parking is expensive so most people just hope on the train. I couldn’t believe it.

She was like a little child telling everyone, including the conductor that this was her first train ride. Then she kept on talking about why no one was smiling on this glorious train. Umm maybe because we are tired, cranky, going to work and there is an idiot talking very loudly about the fucking train? She then decided to play a game with her friend to find a person getting on the train that was smiling. She didn’t find one. She was like hopped up on happy pills or something.

Either that, or I’m just so used to being a commuter that I’ve become one of those people. The cranky commuter who freaks out if they hear a cell phone vibrate. Who wants absolute silence for their ride and HATES when children are present in the train car so much that they actually move. I’m not quite there yet, but I do get upset when people are speaking loudly and/or screaming into their phones. It is nice to have a little quiet before going to work for a day filled with nonstop noise. Good thing that listening to my ipod blocks out a lot of the noise.

So tell me? What is something that you’ve never done before that something people do all the time?

Something that people always freak out about is the fact that I’ve never seen The Godfather movies. It’s something that I want to do, but I just never get around doing it. Oh and also I had never made Rice Crispy Treats until this past weekend. I was a deprived child.

Monday, October 13, 2008

A walk in the park

This weekend was so beautiful that I decided instead of just walking my dog around my neighborhood I would take him to the park nearby. It was so pretty with all the leaves changing color and everyone out with their families and loved ones. I, being an idiot, didn’t think to bring my camera. Oh well. If I go next weekend you better believe I will have my camera. Anyway. A few things that I noticed about my dog:

He is very afraid of small dogs. He’s only 10 pounds and little dogs freak him out. Oh he’ll bark and act like he’s not afraid but as soon as the dog comes close he’ll try and run away or jump into my arms.

Even though he is afraid of small dogs, he is not afraid of large dogs. One of the biggest dogs I have ever seen came up to him and he was FINE. Better then fine. He didn’t try to run or cry. Instead he walked right up to him and sniffed his butt. A true sign that he wasn’t afraid. So why in the world is this 10-pound dog afraid of little dogs, but not a dog whose head was the size of his body?

My dog cannot just walk straight. He is all over the place. He zig-zags, jumps and runs around me. It’s hard to keep the leash in check and make sure that I don’t get tangled in it.

He also skips. Seriously. When people notice it, they think he is limping and hurt. But he is actually skipping. It is the cutest thing. I need to buy a video camera so I can record it.

Lastly, even though my dog isn’t very well trained and barely listens to me, when we are out in public he behaves really well. A little boy came over to pet him and my dog actually sat down and let the boy come over to him. Usually he would just jump up on the boy, or run away depending on his mood, but he just sat and acted so well.

Other than my dog walking adventure, my weekend was pretty laid back. Visited with some friends, caught up on some movies and just relaxed. It was very nice, even if it was a little boring at times.

Thursday, October 9, 2008

I love lists

  • Things got much better after Monday
  • I am convinced I was somehow drugged because I was really really out of it. Like I didn’t know how I got home out of it.
  • So excited that the Office is back on tonight!!
  • Can’t wait for the weekend. It will be the first weekend were I can actually sleep in for a change.
  • Thinking about dying my hair red.
  • I’m to chicken and I’ll probably just go auburn.
  • Either way it will be a big change. The sun really lighted up my hair this summer.
  • My brother wants to get married on a little island in Florida. I hope he does. It is so beautiful there!
  • I still cannot believe he is getting married.
  • I just realized that I get paid 3 times this month!!! I am really excited.
  • This post may be more random then the one I left on Monday.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

7 weird facts about yours truly

CC at Fork in the Road tagged me in a MEME. I am supposed to tell you all 7 weird facts about myself. I am a very strange person but for some reason it was really hard to make this list up. I guess I just didn’t want to scare you or have you think I’m really crazy. Here is what I came up with! Enjoy!



  1. I am a little OCD. Certain things have to be done a certain way or I will freak out. For instance my morning routine is pretty much timed to the minute. Also you go into a room and there are like 2 or 3 light switches right next to each other?? It drives me crazy when they are not all facing the same way. It’s weird I know.

  2. I used to wear glasses. From the age of 2 to about 12 I had to wear glasses for being cross-eyed and a little nearsighted. Then my eyes got better and I no longer need them. I now have perfect vision. Some people still think I wear contacts and don’t believe me when I tell them that it’s all-better.

  3. I’m the only person in my immediate family that has blue eyes. My mom, dad and brothers all have brown eyes. The only other person to have them is my grandpa on my dad’s side.

  4. Ferris wheels scare the crap out of me. Seriously. They go up really high, very slowly, making a sound that is not normal, and I feel like I’m just going to plummet down to my death. It is so tedious. It is torture. However, I have gone Sky Diving, Bungee jumping and basically every roller coaster at Great Adventure, but the damn Ferris Wheel freaks me out.

  5. While other little kids dreamed of being a teacher, astronaut, president…. I dreamt of being a waitress. That was one of my favorite games to play. I put on an apron, roller skates (because I worked at a 50s diner), and a little pad and used to pretend to be a waitress. When people would ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I would tell them that. My only saving grace? My brothers wanted to become a garbage man so they could ride on the back of the truck. Apparently my family likes to keep expectations low.

  6. I have what people call hitchhiker thumbs. They stick out at a 90-degree angle and my thumb is bent backward instead of just being straight. Since I can’t really explain it I am posting the picture. That’s not my hand, but that’s basically how it looks. Whenever I had to get a physical they always marked hands as “abnormal”.

  7. I don’t know how you would classify this but it isn’t normal so this could be my last weird thing. For whatever reason I have met quite a few celebrities. Most while I was in England doing an internship, some I live near, and the other was just random. I have met: Mini Driver (internship), Christian Slater (internship), Bruce Springsteen (live near), Bon Jovi (live near), Nicolas Cage (random), Hugh Dancy (internship), Wentworth Miller (internship), Maury Povich and Connie Chung (live near). Now to be fair, the people that I live near I have never actually spoken to. There are even more famous people that live near me, I didn’t put the ones I haven’t seen up here, but we tend to leave them all alone. Either way it’s still pretty cool.

Now I’m supposed to tag people but I figured if you like this idea then you should go for it! If you do, let me know so I can see it!


Monday, October 6, 2008

Maybe it’s a case of the Mondays???

Today I woke up feeling like a Mack Truck hit me. I don’t know why, but I can’t seem to keep my eyes open. This whole day so far has been a blur. Literally. My eyes can’t focus and I seriously cannot keep them open. I need to snap out of it. There is work that needs to be done, but instead I am sitting here in a comatose type state. I just want to get home so I can go back into my bed.

This past weekend? Nothing really to report. It pretty much sucked. I don’t really want to get into it. I just want to forget about everything that happened. It was stupid and I’m tired of complaining. No more.

Hopefully tomorrow will be much better and I can make a good post for once. Today however is a big haze and I apologize for this post not really making any sense.

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Don’t forget to floss

Yesterday I had a dentist appointment at 8:15 at night. At first I thought this was a great idea because I wouldn’t have to take off of work at all. However going to the dentist at 8:15 at night SUCKS. It is the last thing you want to do after working all day. I felt like the appointment was never going to end. First she took x-rays of my teeth, then she had to develop them, then she cleaned, then the polish and then I had to wait for the head dentist guy to look at my teeth. I just wanted to get in and then leave. Instead it felt like each task took a half hour. Plus I was hungry because I hadn’t had dinner yet. The worst part? I found out that I have the beginnings of a cavity.

This is my first cavity EVER.

I was the only person that I knew that had never had one before. No I can no longer say that. At least it’s small. The doctor wanted to wait until my next cleaning to check the status but I want this thing taken care of now. Who wants to wait 2 years to get a cavity fixed???? Seriously. That’s what he told me; that I have a very small cavity and a low decay rate so I don’t need to worry about this for at least 2 years. No thanks. I would rather not have to worry about it at all. Who would want to wait until it got to a point where you’re in pain and you need major stuff done?? I had to fight him to get it done sooner rather then later. So in about a month I will be getting my first filling. Booo. At least he told me that since it’s small I probably won’t need any shots!!

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

October

To mean when it becomes October it officially means falls, despite the really warm weather we've been having lately. So let me list some things I am excited about

  • Wearing fall clothes (i.e. sweaters, jackets and scarfs)
  • Seeing the leaves change colors
  • Being outside on a crisp cool night
  • Going to football games (my brother is an assistant coach at a high school and I love going to them)
  • Eating pumpkin seeds
  • Halloween

Now about Halloween. I like the holiday because you get to watch scary movies while gorging yourself with candy. That I love. I hate dressing up in costume. Am I the only one that feels awkward and like an idiot when they dress up?? Even when I was little I felt awkward. There are some people I see all dressed up and they look so cool and comfortable. Me? I look uncomfortable and defiantly not confident or cool. All my friends are talking about the parties and bars they will be going to and what they will be dressing up as.

All I want to do is stay home, watch a scary movie and eat candy. But they look at me like I’m a freak because I don’t want to dress up and get drunk. No thank you, I would rather go drinking in my normal clothes. Even last year I saw people coming home from work in costume on the train! I could NEVER do that. I’m sorry but I think I will pass this year. If I do go out, you’ll be lucky to see me with my little glitter devil horn headband I have.

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

A new leaf

Yesterday I mentioned that I had taken Friday off. What I forgot to say was how many jobs I applied to. Usually when the weekend comes I am so sick of looking at a computer that I don’t even turn it on. Since it was Friday and not technically the weekend I had no problem turning on my computer and applying to job after job. It was great! I felt so productive. Now? I am worried that no one will get in touch with me. Which, lets face it, is a serious possibility with the entire country in turmoil right now. Even though I know this, I can’t help but take it personally when no one replies back to me. There used to be a time (way before mine) that no matter what, someone would get back to you. Even if it was just to tell you they weren’t interested. Now with the Internet and thousands of applicants that’s not the case anymore. I still wish it were. I take almost everything personally, especially someone not getting back to me.

I really need thicker skin. If this keeps up I will get discouraged easily and stop applying for jobs. That’s the last thing I want to do. Any tips on how to keep my head up? Or how to stand out to potential employers?

All in all, I just want to get on with the next chapter in my life. For some reason I feel like it will be great. I didn’t feel this way before when I first started applying for jobs. I don’t know why but it just feels different and I know I won’t make the same mistakes. I’ll just make new ones, and I can’t wait for it!

It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power.
~Alan Cohen

Monday, September 29, 2008

Roundup

Last Friday I had originally planned on taking a half-day in order to go to the doctors. Then after thinking about it, I decided to just take the whole day off, even though I have very few days left to take off until February. I really just don’t think I could have been able to bear it commuting almost 4 hours roundtrip to work for 4 hours. I did that the whole summer when we had summer Fridays and it sucked. Also we had terrible weather, which was all the more reason for me not to go. I am really glad I did that because I was at the doctors forever and if I would have went to work before hand I would have been starving when I finally got home!

Why is that when you go to the doctor you wait for so long only to see the doctor for 15 minutes? I got there at 3 o’clock and I didn’t see the doctor until 4:15. I was out of the office just after 4:30. That is ridiculous. But there is nothing you can do, you just have to grit your teeth and pray for the doctor to move faster.

Other than that though it was a great day off. I woke up crazy early because of my internal alarm, but it was okay because I got to watch Zach and Kelly get married on Saved by the Bell. I really miss morning TV. I also caught up with my shows that were on my DVR and enjoyed some amazing PIR (Price is right for all those not in the know). I really miss Bob, but I think that Drew Carey does a pretty good job.

Oh and I forgot to mention the best news! My brother got ENGAGED!!! I am so happy for him. They went away to the mountains for the weekend for my brother’s birthday and he proposed to her there. We don’t really know how exactly he proposed because he isn’t chatty like that. No matter, I’m just happy that he is happy. He leaves tonight to go back overseas and we won’t see him again until January. I will miss him.

This weekend was my friend’s birthday and it was pretty hectic. A lot of her friends from school came down so it was great for her to see everyone and have everyone be together. Lots of drinking was involved. We ended up on Saturday going to this place on the boardwalk and I didn’t really have dinner so after 2 drinks I really started to feel it. They were having a special on Bud Light so lots of drinks were consumed. It was a lot of fun and the place was great because it was crowded but not to the point where you can barely move.

The next day I was really hungover. I never get hangovers. I’m the girl that can drink all night, wake up bright and early and go to work. Sometimes when I first wake up I feel a little gross but yesterday I was a mess. I had a huge headache, dehydrated and super cranky. I wouldn’t have minded it if I stayed home all day but I had to go to my grandma’s. We had a Mass in my grandpa’s name to mark the anniversary of his death so we all had to go up there and since I missed it the last couple of years, due to me being at school, I had to go. I was not in good shape. I had my makeup on still from the night before, my hair was a big frizzy mess, and I’m pretty sure I was still drunk at first.

How do you explain to your 85 year old grandmother what a hangover is?? She thought I was really sad and kept on asking me what was bothering and who is making me so miserable. lol. She even tried to take me into another room to see what was really bothering me. Apparently me just saying I was tired didn’t cut it. There was no way I was going to tell her the truth though. I just went through the day with my grandma thinking I was depressed. She made gnocchi which is my favorite and that made me feel a lot better, also the massive amounts of water that I drank too. All in all it was a great weekend.

How was yours?

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

YAY!

When I started this blog I never imagined anyone would read it much less give me an award for it! But here I am with my first ever Blog award!!! Thanks so much to CC from Fork in the Road for giving me this award. I also love your blog!! This really means a lot to me because my blog is very personal and I love how I am able to express myself. I also love that people actually read it and even comment on my life! Every time I get a comment I get really excited. It means so much to me! So thank you again CC and to everyone else who stops by! If you're still lurking feel free to leave a comment! If not I understand I’m still somewhat of a lurker too.

I would like to bestow this award to the people who I began reading when I first started blogging. They’re the ones that inspired me to blog and/or to keep up with it! If I could I would give this to everyone on my reader but there is a lot so I figured I would start with those that I started with in the very beginning. Check them out they are awesome!


Blogs I Love:

Karen from Smiling Through it All
E. from Like Spinning Plates
Alexandreena from A Toast to Shoes
Adventure Grrl at 100 days in Bed


Also while I am on the topic of blogging another first happened to me. I got an e-mail from a website asking for me to review it. It said that if I review their site I could either get one of their products or payment. I don’t know if this is for real or just spam. Does this happen ever to any of you? If so what do you about it?