Monday, March 31, 2008

What do you want to be when you grow up?

Before I start my official blog, I just have to make a note of how addicting this thing already is. It took all of my willpower to NOT make a post this past weekend. All I kept on thinking was my next post! It’s lame I know, but it just struck as so funny. I used to hate writing in a journal and there I was waiting for Monday to happen so I can make a post!! Anyway I digress.

I left my last post last time promising to deconstruct each of the careers that have been really peaking my interest. Let me first start with teaching cause that’s the easiest. I’m actually not that interested in becoming a teacher, but I seem to have a natural ability to teach and I can handle children really well (read: I have a lot of patience). I used to teach swim lessons and most of the parents would come up to me and ask if I was going to become an actual teacher. I would always laugh because that had never interested me. Well the other day, my mom told me that I should really consider becoming a teacher. Which is really weird because when I went to college my mom told me that I was not allowed to major in education because it was a copout. Now here she is telling me that I should go for it. But even though I seem to have this ability, I’m still not that interested in teaching. But than I think, maybe if I’m good at it I will eventually enjoy doing it. So I don’t know. But for now I view it as more as a last option, if nothing else works out.

Now becoming a makeup artist is my career of the moment right now. Ever since I was a kid, I loved makeup. Which is strange because my mom hates makeup and I only have bothers, but nonetheless I was hooked. I have an entire drawer dedicated to my makeup. And I love it when my friends let me do their makeup. I think that this is something that can truly make me happy. However I’m scared. I’m scared of not being any good at it, or if I am good, not getting any jobs to support myself. I don’t want to be working in Macy’s behind a counter, I want to do photo shoots or work at a magazine or at a cosmetics company. But what if that doesn’t happen? I’m also scared of not making any money. I don’t want to be the person who went to college, ditched all that to become a makeup artist, is not making any money and has to live at home for the rest of her life. I’m also scared that I will loose interest. I mean that seems to be happening a lot lately to me. In college I was going to be a speech pathologist and I lost interest in that, and then I majored in mass communication and I don’t really have any interest in that anymore. What if that happens again? And than where am I?? Finally what I’m most afraid of is people looking down at me. But that’s just my ego talking. But the people who I’ve told this to so far have said the same thing to me, “so basically you went to college for no reason.” Which really pisses me off, cause I have a diploma and no one can take that away from me, even if I just become a makeup artist. And plus college itself is more about (to me anyway) the experiences and the growth that happens while you there. It’s a big stepping-stone into the real world. I just don’t want everyone to look down at me, because I am choosing to do this now.

As for the other ones, photography and being a social worker both requires me to go back to school. And not only that, pay a lot more money. For photography it’s one of those things that I am interested in every other day. I don’t think my heart is in it enough to actually go through with it. Becoming a social worker is another thing that I am constantly changing my mind about. But I love helping people; it’s in my nature. So I think eventually I might do this, but for now it’s not the right time.

As for being a travel writer, I enjoy writing (even though I’m not the greatest at it) and I love to travel. I studied abroad in London and I got to travel a lot while being there. And it was the happiest time in my live when I was abroad. I loved it, seeing new places, meeting new people, and seeing people’s cultures up close and personal. I was so happy being there that I actually lost 40 pounds! But it’s really hard to get into that business. You have to be well established as a writer before you can even consider getting to do that. And also I think it have to do more with the traveling, I want to be able to travel, not necessarily have to write about it. Which is why being a makeup artist is so appealing to me. If I get to be successful and make enough money, I can choose my own hours and get to travel and see the world on my own time. Also, if I were to do photo shoots and stuff I would also get to travel that way.
So to wrap up, being a makeup seems to be my dream right now. I just have to get the confidence to go after it. And I know that like 2 people read this, but I would love some feedback!!

Friday, March 28, 2008

A very long introduction (part two)

Now for the tough part, who am I? Well since that could seriously take hours to explain, I’ll do my best to keep it to the most relevant/recent stuff and as I go along in these things talk about myself. I graduated from college in May and moved back home with my mom and older brother. A few months later I got a job at a place, and I really thought it was my dream job. Well maybe that’s an exaggeration. I thought that this job was going to be the perfect stepping-stone into the career I always thought I wanted. It was a big company with many different branches. So I figured, great I will worked here for a while, build myself up and then get the pick of the liter and move to a section where I truly wanted to be. Now lets rewind back to my first day in October. I come in to my orientation; with the lovely help of HR I get myself all set up. The office is amazing: big, spacious, and a little trendy. Just the place where I always imagined working. Then all of a sudden, she takes me down to the next floor to my office. Now any other person would believe that all the offices for one company would more or less look the same. Well my friends, this was the exception. She took me down, into what I can only describe as a dungeon. It was dark, dingy, with newspapers all over the place. The cubicals, if you can even call them that, where separating people by a piece of what can only be described as white cardboard with holes all over it! But I thought to myself “its okay, and reminder it’s just a stepping-stone.” And so now it’s March and I am so completely miserable in this job. It is nothing like what I thought it was going to be. I thought it was going to be more along the lines of advertising with a hint of public relations. Little did I know that all I’m doing is grunt work, and putting ads in newspapers across the country, which wouldn’t be so bad if the people of the other end of the phone weren’t so stupid. And so on a daily basis I complain to my family and friends (and now you) about how much I dislike my job. And I hear the same thing every time, “why don’t you get another one??” Which makes sense; I hate this job so I should get another one. But the thing is, a) the economy sucks right now, so not as many people are hiring, and the biggest reason is b) I have NO idea what I want to do anymore.

This is my dilemma and the reason why I started to blog, to try and figure out what I want to do. I am hoping to use this as a forum to work through and really get down to my gut and find out what makes me the happiest. I don’t want to be one of those people who sit in their office all day, waiting for their life to begin while quietly accepting that this IS their life now. I want to look forward to going to work. And I know what you thinking, yeah she’s young and dumb and needs to realize that she will have to settle and grow up. I don’t want to settle; I don’t think anyone should settle. I mean there are many good reasons to settle, money, stability, having a family, etc; and I don’t look down at people who choose those things. I just don’t want to be one of them. I figure since I’m young and still live at home with my mom, I have the ability to take chances and see where life takes me. That’s a huge advantage. I mean I really hate living at home, but I stay cause I know that I will be leaving my job soon doing god knows what. And again, when I tell you have I know idea what I want to do, I kid you not. Seriously, so far here is a list of things that I have an interest in

  • Photography (which require school and equipment which equals money)

  • Social Worker (again requires school and money which I don’t really have)

  • Make-up artist (this is the top runner but I’m scared that I won’t make enough money)

  • Teacher (but teaching what???)

  • Travel writer (this is seriously a pipe dream, but what a dream it is)

Okay again I have made this thing extremely long. But after the weekend I will revist the 4 things that I think I might/could make a living at. Looking into greater detail.

Thursday, March 27, 2008

A very long introduction (part one)

Being that this is my first official blog, I thought I would begin with a little back-story and how I decided to, against my previous position on the matter, to become a blogger. Let's start with the easiest, why am I doing this??? I never really understood why anyone would put their deepest thoughts and secrets up on the web for all to see. I would read these things and feel as though I had just broken into someone's bedroom, looked under their pillow, and broke the little lock. Here I was reading someone's personal thoughts and I would feel guilty because I now know these peoples secrets. Also because I now judge them based on these thoughts and feelings. I would also feel guilty because then I couldn't get enough of it. I was reading dozens of blogs each week to see what my new faux friends were saying. It was like being a fly on the wall. I am reading about the lives of other people and what they really think, and the best part was they had no idea who I was! I was a spy getting the pertinent information needed to save the world, well not really but I did start to feel special that these people whom I never met, and would never meet under normal circumstances were allowing me into their lives, even if it was via blogging. And than I started to imagine what it would be like on the other side. How did these faux friends of mine feel each time they blogged???

And I guess this is why I decided to become a blogger, to see what the other side feels like. I find it oddly liberating to be able to share my thoughts and feelings in a forum where no one knows who I am. Also, I’ve tried keeping a journal but I just get to lazy about it and never remembered to write in it. Having a blog will, (hopefully) help me keep up with it. And for me personally, writing is a way for me to deal with my feelings and work through whatever problems I am facing. I used to go to therapy when my depression and anxiety was getting to a point of no return. My counselor told me whenever I couldn’t sleep, what getting panicky or way to emotional I should just write, since that is what I feel most comfortable doing. And I gotta say every time I do write, even if its just babble, I automatically feel better and I can sleep soundly and in peace. And that in a very big nutshell is why I am doing this. Okay since this entry has officially become to long, I think I will leave the get to know me part for another day. I mean I’m not expecting a lot of people or even anyone to read this. So I think it can wait a little.