Monday, June 29, 2009

The Party never stops

I’m officially 25 years old!

I can’t believe I’m 25, sometimes I still feel like a teenager.

Also it’s my 200th post!!! I can’t believe that either!!

Despite being really freaked out about turning 25 I decided to celebrate the occasion right. By right I mean basically celebrating from Thursday until Sunday my actual birthday!

Thursday I left work early and came home to spend some time with my family. Then some friends and I went to a bar nearby. I proceeded to drink way too much. I was happy though because my brother who has been away for the past year came out for a little while. I had barely seen him since he got home on Tuesday so I was happy to have some time with him out. Also I managed to run into a ton of people that I knew so it was great seeing all of them and just having fun.

Friday I was supposed to go see No Doubt in concert. A bunch of us gathered at my friends to have a BBQ and drink before going to the concert. The venue no longer allows tailgating. Anyway one friend was stuck in a lot of traffic so we were waiting for her to get here. When she did arrive, 30 minutes before the concert was supposed to start, it started to downpour and there was crazy thunder and lighting out.

Since our tickets were for lawn seats the going to the concert was quickly forgotten about. While I really wanted to go to the concert, I was happy I didn’t get stuck outside in the rain and lighting like that. Also the tickets were only 15 dollars so I wasn’t to upset about missing it. We just ended up staying in at my friends drink and laughing. Which was just fine by me. Oh and the best part!?!? My friend got me a special ice cream cake with a picture of me when I was little on it! It was seriously the best ice cream cake EVER. I put a picture below!

Saturday my brother had some friends over to visit since he hasn’t seen them in 6 months. I too had some friends stop by so it turned into a nice little gathering. My brother’s friend made chicken wings and his secret sauce and they were delicious! Also he brought over a beer pong table. The whole day was centered around drinking, eating and playing beer pong. I had a blast.

That night I decided to ring in my actual birthday at this bar/club near by. It’s half outside and half inside with like 6 different bars and even a little beach and volleyball field there. There must have been some event going on because they were giving out t-shirts, hats, glow sticks, stuff animals and towels. I managed to score a t-shirt, hat and even a little stuffed duck. The duck got annoying to hold onto so that was quickly discarded but I kept the shirt and hat! Well the hat I eventually ditched too because it got way to hot. See below for an awesome pic of me wearing the hat!

Finally on Sunday my birthday my aunt and cousins came over and my mom made homemade pizza!! It is seriously the best pizza EVER. I basically ate an entire pie all by myself it was that good.

All in all I had a pretty great birthday!! It was great spending time with friends and family and doing it up right. It defiantly made up for the awful birthday I had last year!!

Hopefully this celebration is great foreshadowing as to how 25 will be!!!

Best Cake EVER

Me now and then

Me and the crazy hat!

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Pounding the pavement

So I’ve been crunching the numbers (yes I’m a geek) and unless I get a job that pays more money I can’t really move out. I mean I could but I would literally be living paycheck to paycheck (even with the savings I have) and I just don’t want to do that. I’m still looking ahead and I don’t want to eat through all my savings so when the time comes to say buy a house or get married I will be shit out of luck. Which means come September, no one seems to hire in the summer, I will be kicking my job search into drive again.

I still don’t know what I want to end up doing as a career yet but I’m not going to let that stop me from trying something new. I’m going to be as open as possible when searching. I’m going to look into the field I’m in but I’m going to expand it also. I need to get clever with my cover letters, which to me are torture to write, and sell myself.

Last time I tried this, I was receiving no responses and I got discouraged real quickly. I need to not let that happen again. I need to get thicker skin and not take it personally when I get rejected.

I feel as though a fire has been light under my ass. I’m tired of where my life is at the moment and I need to be proactive about changing it. I’m turning 25 on Sunday and it’s time for me to grow and become my own person. I know it won’t happen overnight, but I also know it won’t happen if I continue living the same way I am right now.

I feel it in my bones that changes are coming and while I’m a little scared, I’m also beyond excited at what will happen next!

Any tips on applying for jobs and making yourself stand out?? That’s what I think is most important in getting your foot in the door.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009


I'm suffering from crazy writers (bloggers) block right now. I defiantly have some stuff I want to say but for some reason I'm not. I'm getting antsy in my life right now and I'm not really sure why I'm getting so panicky. I have this weird nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach that I can't just seem to get rid of. Which is strange because everything's been kinda good right now. Nothing happening to mess up the Status Quo of things. Hopefully tomorrow I will be out of this funk. (BTW I defiantly just wrote F**K instead of funk; could that be a sign?)

In other news I just realized that I'm THISCLOSE to reaching my 200th post!!!!

Any suggestions on how to celebrate this milestone??

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Thursday Thoughts

Have you ever had a friend or acquaintance that you thought that they had a pretty good idea at the kind of person you are and after one simple comment learn that they really don’t know you at all?? Well that pretty much happened to me yesterday. A fellow co-worker basically told me that I’m a selfish person yesterday and it floored me.

Not only is the not true but it is the complete opposite of who I am. I’m not just saying that either. I’m one of those people that needs to focus on herself more and be a little selfish. I feel comforted in the fact that my family and friends, who I told about the comment, were shocked and upset about it. However I am still pretty hurt by that comment and don’t really know how to proceed from here.

My brother is officially done with his job in the Middle East!!!!!!! I couldn’t be happier that he is safe and sound in the US. I haven’t seen him since Christmas and I look forward to him being home in Jersey for a whole week!

Not this Sunday but next Sunday (the 28th) is my birthday! While I’m still not all that jazzed about turning 25, I am excited for the weekend’s festivities. Friday I decided to take off and make it a nice three-day weekend. That night a few friends and I will be going to see No Doubt in concert. I have always loved that group and we got the tickets for really cheap, 15 bucks!

Then on Saturday we are having a big welcome home/going away again party for my brother. He is moving to India for 2 years (long story, but he’s excited about it and that’s all that matters). Tons of family and friends will be coming and I know it will be a lot of fun. Since it’s the day before my birthday I’m just going to say the party is partially for me too. lol.

I am so tired of all this rain. It’s June. It should be hot and sunny! It’s just been gloomy all week and being annoyed at work didn’t help make the week any better. I am very happy it’s almost the weekend. One of my cousins is having a graduation party (college) this weekend and I’m looking forward to seeing my family, especially my great aunt and uncle who live in Florida. I haven’t seen them in almost a year!!

Anything on your mind? How do you think I should proceed with the co-worker thing?

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Honest Scrap award!

I'm very excited that Valérie tagged with the Honest Scrap Award!!! I had a bit of a writers block this week so hopefully this award and list will help break it!! Thanks again! I really appreciate it!

"The Honest Scrap award comes with a caveat or two. Firstly, you have to tell your readers ten things about you they may not know, but that are true. Secondly, you have to tag 10 people with the award. Thirdly, let all the people you've given the award to know that they've gotten it (comment on their blogs or something). And finally, make sure you link back to the person who awarded you."

Here is 10 things you may not have known about me:

1. I’ve been skydiving and bungee jumping but I am deathly afraid of Ferris Wheels. I hate how slow they go around and how much they rock back and forth when you stop at the very top! Just thinking about it freaks me out!

2. I love working and being out of the house. However when I get married and have children I would love to have the ability to stay home with them for the first few years. At the same time I know I would miss working and making an income. I would never want to be fully dependent on my husband. This is where the lottery comes in. J

3. I would like to adopt a child one day. I think it’s a beautiful thing when people adopt. Even more special when people adopt a child that is not a baby. I feel just awful when I read stories about kids who want nothing more to be adopted but aren’t because of their age. It really breaks my heart.

4. I have a huge fear that I will lose my hearing one-day. When I was little I had a lot of ear problems and ear infections. As a result there is a lot of scar tissue in my ears and in certain situations, like at noisy restaurant, I cannot hear what anyone is saying. It’s all white noise to me. I’m afraid that when I’m older it will just get worse and worse until it’s totally gone. Not being able to hear peoples speak, listen to music, and watch movies without subtitles scares me.

5. I no longer have a relationship with my dad. It took me a long time to realize that I am better off not having him in my life. However deep deep down I still wish things would have turned out differently. I wish he had tried just a little harder to have me in his life. His loss.

6. If I could move anywhere in the world without having to worry about money and/or working I would go back to London. When I studied abroad there I was happy. Truly happy. It felt like home. I loved everything about that city. The people, the history, the atmosphere, and even the food.

7. I am a very picky eater. To the point where I’m almost impossible sometimes. I hate and am embarrassed that I’m such a picky eater. I feel like a child because I don’t eat certain things. I wish I could be one of those people who will eat anything. That being said I very rarely step outside my comfort zone to try something new.

8. It’s hard for me to accept compliments about the way I look. I don’t know why, maybe because I don’t get them a lot or if it’s because deep down I don’t believe them, but I feel very awkward when someone comments about me. If someone says I’m pretty I don’t believe them or I’m afraid there will be a “but” afterward. I can’t tell you how many times a person has said, “oh you’re so pretty… but you would be gorgeous if you lost weight.” Or my favorite, “You have such a pretty face”. AKA everything else is gross. Thanks.

9. When I was little I used to dream about being a mermaid. Every time I took a bath or went swimming I would pretend I was one. I was just completely fascinated at the concept of being able to stay underwater forever and get to swim and see all different types of whales and fishes. Also all mermaids had the most amazing hair ever!

10. It’s impossible for me to stay mad at people for a long time. Being disappointed is another issue. I could get into a massive fight with someone and an hour later all if forgiven and we’re back to being normal. Sometimes an apology is not even needed. I just don’t see the point in being angry with someone for a long time. It ends up hurting you more than the person you’re mad at. It’s freeing to be able to just let it go.

I hope you enjoyed my list! I am tagging the following people this award! Click on the names for the links.

Lacey Bean
Emily - she hasn't blogged in a while so I hope she's still there!

Thursday, June 11, 2009

No more drama

I mentioned a while ago that in August I will be going on vacation to Jamaica. While that is still the plan, I’ve been experiencing nothing but DRAMA about this whole friggin’ trip.

The original plan was that me, my BFF and two other people would be going together. One person had to drop out because she will be going away with her parents that week. Which I didn’t think was that big of a deal. I just figured it would be the three of us then.

However the other two thought otherwise. All of a sudden they are telling me we HAVE to find a fourth person to go with, otherwise it won’t be any fun. Umm excuse me? Does having a fourth person really make that big of a difference between having a good time and being miserable?

I believe a trip, or anything really, is what you make it. If you have no worries or fuss and just enjoy yourself you will have a great time. I mean I went to Paris by myself and I can’t even speak french and it was one of the best vacations. It never occurred to me that I couldn’t have fun unless I was with someone else. I feel like my friends are behaving like teenagers and if there aren’t a certain amount of people involved it isn’t cool and it will be lame.

Now they are scrambling to find a fourth and I’m sitting here really pissed off. I don’t want to invite a person just to invite a person. This isn’t a day trip; this is a 7-day trip where you will be with someone basically 24/7. Excuse me for not wanting to go away with someone I barely know. What if no one gets along?

Also I am taking it really personally. Every time they say the trip would be lame if it’s just three, I feel like they are saying I’m not fun enough to go on vacation with. That it’s me they don’t want to be stuck with. I’m seriously really hurt, and every time I try and say something they barely listen or shoot me down. As of now my BFF still says she’s in, the third says he will only come if there is a fourth. I want to them him to fuck off.

I feel like come August I will be taking the trip by myself. Which right as this moment I wouldn’t even mind, because then I wouldn’t have to deal with this shit.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Welcome Summer!

This past weekend was really lovely. I got out of work at 1pm on Friday (thank you summer Fridays!) and spent the day just unwinding and relaxing after a crazy week.

Saturday it was cloudy so my friend and I decided to hit the outlets. I got the cutest pair of Cole Haan flats for half off!! Did you know their shoes are made with Nike Air? It makes them super comfy.

For lunch we ate at this new restaurant called Bobby’s Burger Palace. It’s actually a restaurant chain by the food network guy Bobby Flay. Let me just say that I don’t really eat hamburgers but I am obsessed with these!! I had the best burger there! I can’t wait to go back and try a different kind.

After we ate the weather cleared up so I got my dogs, went to my friend’s house and went swimming with my dogs! They have never been in a pool before but they swam so well! It was the cutest thing ever. I think they even liked it. They kept on going to edge of the pool looking like they wanted to jump in. I would take them and put them in the water and they would swim right to the stairs!! I wish I had a camera. It was adorable.

That night a bunch of us headed out. We went to a club that is near the boardwalk and while I don’t really go to those places in the summer because of the traffic and, no offense, bennys, I had a blast. There was a great crowd and not too many people that you felt like you couldn’t move. Everyone was just having a good time and dancing like crazy.

Now I know some people have a problem with Benny’s, I do on occasion like when I’m stuck in traffic for an hour to get home which is five miles away, but they know how to have a good time. They just want to have fun and enjoy the summer. I only get mad when they are stereotypical and act like they OWN the Jersey Shore. That gets annoying. The only downside of the night was the fact that we parked about a mile away from the place to avoid paying for parking. My shoes that I wear all the time decided to fail on me that night and I got huge blisters that are still hurting me.

Sunday was an amazing day so a few of us hit the beach. The water was FREEZING but you got so hot that you didn’t even mind it. I still haven’t bought new sunscreen so I was forced to use a bottle that I found on the bottom of my closet. Not the best idea. I have sunburn in random places now. Like on the right side of my neck, the top of my left thigh, my feet (I always forget that part) and my forehead. lol. Nowhere else did I get burned. So now I look like a freak but that’s okay. Hopefully it will even out soon.

I feel like the summer has officially started. I’m not taking into account this crazy weather we are having today. Thunder and hail storms in June??? WTF.

Monday, June 8, 2009


Beach + really old sunscreen + faulty application = Really bad sunburn blotches all over. I look AWESOME.

Saturday Night + "comfy" shoes + parking really far away from bar = massive blisters on my toes that is so bad I can't even wear sneakers, only flip flops will do.

All is all a pretty awesome weekend. It was just what I needed after all that self-wallowing I've been doing.

More details to follow.

Thursday, June 4, 2009

On the Catwalk

Since I was on the topic of shopping yesterday I wanted to talk about something related. I love dresses. I love looking at them, trying them on, and even buying a couple. I love how you just throw one piece on and your dressed. I love how you can feel confident and sexy wearing one.

However, I NEVER wear them unless I’m going to a wedding or something equally formal. I want to become the kind of person who can wear dresses when they go out or even to go to work.

I see women of all shapes and sizes wear dresses and they look amazing. Confident, stylish, and they look comfortable. When I wear a dress?? I feel awkward, over dressed and out of place. I have a couple of dresses that are begging to be used and I just can’t get myself to wear them.

Why can other women wear dresses to the same places I’m going but I feel like a tool when I wear a dress? The only time I wear a dress is when I go to the beach and it’s a cover-up. It’s just so comfortable and easy to slip on. I want to be able to do that in other circumstances.

Maybe that could be my next test. Wearing a dress out to a bar one night.

Do you wear dresses or do they make you feel awkward too?

How do you wear them and not feel out of place?

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

The First Step

My first baby step to a better me? No more shopping with my mother!! Since I still live at home my mom always seems to try and get me to go shopping with her. Which would be fine if she didn’t’ take every opportunity to make me feel like shit. She says horrible things about the way I look when I try things on. I don’t even like to think of them now because I get upset. I’m not sure why she does it, it’s like she can’t help herself.

The biggest thing she always attacks me about is how clothes fit. My mom doesn’t get the concept that clothes are supposed fit you. She thinks that in order for a shirt to fit it should be basically hanging off your body. Which actually tends to make you look much bigger. So every time I wear an outfit that fits she goes on the attack on my weight. I feel like she thinks that if clothing is four sizes too big then people won’t realize I’m overweight. What she fails to realize is when an outfit fits you well it can be very slimming.

Even though it is tempting to go shopping, she always promises to buy, I just can’t anymore. We have totally different taste in clothes to begin with anyway so no matter what it’s always a battle. This past weekend was a huge test because she was practically begging me to go out. She was bored sitting at home and instead of calling her friends she decided to pester me all day long.

I truly wish my mom would start to get more of a social life. She has so many friends but she very rarely goes out with them. Instead she sits at home and sulks about being bored. More than anything I wish my mom got a boyfriend. A companion to spend her days with. Sooner or later I will move out and then she will have no one around. Sounds like someone has self esteem issues no?

Like mother like daughter.

Monday, June 1, 2009

One step at a time

Thank you soo much for your thoughtful comments on last post. They really meant a lot to me. Just writing that out I felt a lot better, but after reading your comments I knew I wasn’t alone. I mean I knew that before, but I never really KNEW it. If that makes any sense.

I have debated going to therapy again but I don’t think I’m there yet. I feel like this is a problem for me to face head on. If I was sinking into depression again I would be there, but, thankfully, I’m not depressed. Just confused and a little lost.

I used to go to therapy and this was a topic I very rarely discussed. Mostly because there was other more serious matters to discuss and I was embarrassed. I would brush over it when I was talking about something else but it was hard for me to focus on and voice out loud.

I was defiantly one of those people who went to therapy and was worried that my problems weren’t valid enough or that I would bore her. She helped me get over that fear but I could still never talk about it. I guess I wasn’t ready yet.

Now that I am ready, I want to face it alone. I think talking about it like I did was a huge stepping off point for me. Now I just need to take baby steps to getting better. I’m not expecting over night results, but I think if I face one small task at a time I will eventually build up my self-esteem.

What do you do to help build yourself up?