Something amazing has happened. A friend of a friend reached out to me last week, saying that she had heard about my interest in becoming a baker. She owns a juice bar and offered me a chance to make healthy treats to sell to their customers. She's said she has tried it in the past but just doesn't have the time herself to make any and whenever they do have something available her clients go crazy for them.
So over the weekend I tested out two recipes and brought them over to her. I had made Vegan Chocolate Truffles and Honey Nut Oat Bars (vegan and gluten free). She loved them!! And she told me that her customers really enjoyed them too! Which means we are going to try this out and I'm going to start making her goodies to sell!!
I am over the moon excited.
If this isn't a sign, then I don't know what is!! I don't always believe in signs, but this one is smacking me in the face! It's the push I needed to actually move forward with this new career of mine. I've even made an appointment to tour the culinary school near me in the next few weeks!
I feel like things are finally starting to come together. The skies are clearing up and my life is getting a little less foggy then they've been. I've even started to slowly lose weight again! It's still scary and terrifying for me, but almost in a good way now. I'm just going to try and enjoy this ride I'm on and see how it plays out.
I know that this new opportunity may not work out, and I'm surprisingly okay with it. I'm just so excited to have a reason to bake something and make it for others to enjoy!
When I met her she asked me what I'll call myself. At first it was going to be my last name Confections. But I didn't love it. Now I'm thinking Carolyn's Confections; CC's for short. What do you think?
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
Wednesday, March 20, 2013
huh?
I thought google reader was going away in July?? What happened to the tap to get to it?? I can't read my blogs!!
Thursday, March 14, 2013
WTF? How am I gonna read my blogs now!?
So Google Reader is going away in July?!?! How the hell am I going to keep up with everything I read?? Anyone have a good tip? I'm so disappointed! :(
Even though I don't blog a lot anymore, I do still read blogs daily.
Even though I don't blog a lot anymore, I do still read blogs daily.
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
Forgiving myself so I can move forward
For months I have been in a deep dark hole. Call it depression, call it the winter blues, a funk, whatever fits the bill. Either way I haven't been myself and I didn't know how to pull myself out of this hole I was in. I was mortified that I had gained close to 20 pounds since October. The fact that what was once a loose fitting pair of jeans no longer fit was horrifying to me.
But I wasn't doing anything about it. I was wearing leggings and dresses and cardigans to hid the bulge of my stomach. I was eating whatever I wanted. While I was keeping up with my workouts, it was clear I couldn't run at my normal pace and keep up the way I used to. This extra weight was/is pulling my down literally and mentally.
Then I took a deep look at myself. I've lost over close to 120 pounds, and while I've gained about 20 of those pounds back, I know without a shadow of a doubt I will never let myself become 300 pounds again. Seeing me close to 200 pounds was enough for me to take notice and start to do something about it.
Then I realized that I need to give myself a break. Everyone slips. This is the first time in the 2plus years I've been on this lifestyle that I've slipped up. There are articles upon articles about how common it is for people to gain their weight back. Even the people on that shows the biggest loser gain some weight back, or more sometimes.
It doesn't mean we've failed. It shows that we are all human. Life throws curveballs at us all the time. This is a journey that I will be on for the rest of my life. And that journey will have it's ups and downs. And while I can try to prevent it, sometimes it's just too hard.
Which is why I'm going to forgive myself for gaining this weight.
I need to realize this was a blip on my journey. And it does not take away from the fact that I've still lost a hundred pounds. I DID that. All on my own, I can absolutely handle getting these pesky 20 pounds back off.
So starting today is the next phase of my journey. Where I acknowledge that I'm human and vulnerable. That it's okay that I gained this weight. That in the end it's just going to make me a stronger person. It's teaching me a much needed lesson that I never ever want to go back to the person I was. I am miserable with this extra weight, I could not imagine how I would feel weighing 300 pounds again.
I am strong, I am beautiful, and I know I can do this again and again if I have too.
But I wasn't doing anything about it. I was wearing leggings and dresses and cardigans to hid the bulge of my stomach. I was eating whatever I wanted. While I was keeping up with my workouts, it was clear I couldn't run at my normal pace and keep up the way I used to. This extra weight was/is pulling my down literally and mentally.
Then I took a deep look at myself. I've lost over close to 120 pounds, and while I've gained about 20 of those pounds back, I know without a shadow of a doubt I will never let myself become 300 pounds again. Seeing me close to 200 pounds was enough for me to take notice and start to do something about it.
Then I realized that I need to give myself a break. Everyone slips. This is the first time in the 2plus years I've been on this lifestyle that I've slipped up. There are articles upon articles about how common it is for people to gain their weight back. Even the people on that shows the biggest loser gain some weight back, or more sometimes.
It doesn't mean we've failed. It shows that we are all human. Life throws curveballs at us all the time. This is a journey that I will be on for the rest of my life. And that journey will have it's ups and downs. And while I can try to prevent it, sometimes it's just too hard.
Which is why I'm going to forgive myself for gaining this weight.
I need to realize this was a blip on my journey. And it does not take away from the fact that I've still lost a hundred pounds. I DID that. All on my own, I can absolutely handle getting these pesky 20 pounds back off.
So starting today is the next phase of my journey. Where I acknowledge that I'm human and vulnerable. That it's okay that I gained this weight. That in the end it's just going to make me a stronger person. It's teaching me a much needed lesson that I never ever want to go back to the person I was. I am miserable with this extra weight, I could not imagine how I would feel weighing 300 pounds again.
I am strong, I am beautiful, and I know I can do this again and again if I have too.
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
One Step Forward Two Steps back
The good stuff first. I had my first therapy session yesterday and it went pretty well. It was mostly intake and talking about what I would like to get out of therapy in the long run. I felt comfortable with her and I am hoping good stuff comes out of it. Already she's had two great ideas for me to explore that I never thought of.
First with the job stuff, she told me I should look into shadowing a bakery and maybe working part time there to see if it's something I would really want to do in the long run. Instead of even jumping head first into going back to school, test the waters so to speak. Which is something I really feel like I should have thought of myself. haha. I've already reached out to a few places and will hopefully hear back from them soon.
Next is my weight. I was telling her about how much day to day my weight can change. It's crazy sometimes and I've always felt like it can't be normal. I mean take for example, on Friday I weighed myself and then on Monday morning when I weighed myself I was NINE pounds heavier. That's not even remotely possible to have truly gained that much weight. The amount of calories I would have had to consume to gain that isn't possible for me. So she mentioned I may want to look into having my hormones checked. That when people lose a lot of weight, their hormones can become unbalanced. That actually would make a lot of sense for me. I'm going to make an appointment soon with my doctor to start having that checked out.
With the good comes the bad though. My car alarm has been going off randomly for months. For no reason. It was becoming more and more frequent to the point where I stopped locking my car. I had to get my oil changed so I figured I would have that looked at. $800 dollars later, not only did I need oil, I needed new tires, alignment, and something with my transmission. UGH!! Not to mention, they had NO idea what is wrong with the alarm and I ended up having to take it to a dealership today. Which is going to be another $200. It wouldn't be so bad normally, but a few days before I just booked a trip to Mexico with my friend in April. So in less than a week I've essentially just added $2,000 worth of debt to my credit card. AKA my plan to pay off my credit card in May, is going to take a little longer now.
It's just annoying when these unexpected costs pop up like this. It's a source of frustration and anxiety about paying off my debt. I was doing so good too. I do have some savings that I might dip into a little bit to take some of this weight off my shoulders. But I hate touching it because I want to for when I buy a house or something big. But I think if I take $1,000 from there and hopefully with my tax check in April, I can get back to where I was and back on track.
First with the job stuff, she told me I should look into shadowing a bakery and maybe working part time there to see if it's something I would really want to do in the long run. Instead of even jumping head first into going back to school, test the waters so to speak. Which is something I really feel like I should have thought of myself. haha. I've already reached out to a few places and will hopefully hear back from them soon.
Next is my weight. I was telling her about how much day to day my weight can change. It's crazy sometimes and I've always felt like it can't be normal. I mean take for example, on Friday I weighed myself and then on Monday morning when I weighed myself I was NINE pounds heavier. That's not even remotely possible to have truly gained that much weight. The amount of calories I would have had to consume to gain that isn't possible for me. So she mentioned I may want to look into having my hormones checked. That when people lose a lot of weight, their hormones can become unbalanced. That actually would make a lot of sense for me. I'm going to make an appointment soon with my doctor to start having that checked out.
With the good comes the bad though. My car alarm has been going off randomly for months. For no reason. It was becoming more and more frequent to the point where I stopped locking my car. I had to get my oil changed so I figured I would have that looked at. $800 dollars later, not only did I need oil, I needed new tires, alignment, and something with my transmission. UGH!! Not to mention, they had NO idea what is wrong with the alarm and I ended up having to take it to a dealership today. Which is going to be another $200. It wouldn't be so bad normally, but a few days before I just booked a trip to Mexico with my friend in April. So in less than a week I've essentially just added $2,000 worth of debt to my credit card. AKA my plan to pay off my credit card in May, is going to take a little longer now.
It's just annoying when these unexpected costs pop up like this. It's a source of frustration and anxiety about paying off my debt. I was doing so good too. I do have some savings that I might dip into a little bit to take some of this weight off my shoulders. But I hate touching it because I want to for when I buy a house or something big. But I think if I take $1,000 from there and hopefully with my tax check in April, I can get back to where I was and back on track.
Thursday, January 31, 2013
Taking Steps to make changes
Little by little I'm starting to realize what I want to be when I grow up.... but it's terrifying. And the steps I need to do it, are also overwhelming. It would mean going back to school for one thing.Which would mean quiting this job and finding (hopefully) a part time job to support myself while I go back.
Here's the thing. I love to cook, bake more specifically. And people have told me time and time again how amazing I am. People actually tell me I should open a bakery. However I have no training in cooking whatsoever. But I think this is something that could truly fulfill me. I know I would absolutely have to take some classes. I'm not dumb enough to just jump off a cliff without a parachute. But fear plagues me.
What if I actually end up hating it? Or I fail miserably? I won't be able to have health insurance at least for a while. Do I really want to work for myself? Anyway I've decided to at least test the waters.
The community college near me actually has a wonderful and well known culinary school. I'm going to meet with someone in admissions to just gather as much information as I can get. Find out the costs, when classes are usually held, how long it would take. All of that. I know I'll hate myself forever if I don't at least check it out.
I also made an appointment to see a therapist. Just to talk things out. I struggle a lot with my body image and I know I have severe body dismorphia. I thought I would just eventually learn to accept the new me, but it's taking a lot longer. I've been also gaining weight recently and I think it's a combination of stress and sabotaging myself. Hopefully this goes well.
Now that I look at this blog, I'm taking a lot of steps to a newer better me. And hopefully will continue to progress as time goes on!
Here's the thing. I love to cook, bake more specifically. And people have told me time and time again how amazing I am. People actually tell me I should open a bakery. However I have no training in cooking whatsoever. But I think this is something that could truly fulfill me. I know I would absolutely have to take some classes. I'm not dumb enough to just jump off a cliff without a parachute. But fear plagues me.
What if I actually end up hating it? Or I fail miserably? I won't be able to have health insurance at least for a while. Do I really want to work for myself? Anyway I've decided to at least test the waters.
The community college near me actually has a wonderful and well known culinary school. I'm going to meet with someone in admissions to just gather as much information as I can get. Find out the costs, when classes are usually held, how long it would take. All of that. I know I'll hate myself forever if I don't at least check it out.
I also made an appointment to see a therapist. Just to talk things out. I struggle a lot with my body image and I know I have severe body dismorphia. I thought I would just eventually learn to accept the new me, but it's taking a lot longer. I've been also gaining weight recently and I think it's a combination of stress and sabotaging myself. Hopefully this goes well.
Now that I look at this blog, I'm taking a lot of steps to a newer better me. And hopefully will continue to progress as time goes on!
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