Thursday, March 10, 2011

_______ wants to be friends on Facebook

I love Facebook. It's a great way to keep in touch with people, see pictures and remember birthdays. Lately though I've been getting friends requests from people that I don't feel totally comfortable about accepting. I'm not sure if I want them getting this kind of glimpse into my life.

When my parents split up, my dad's family basically cut off all communication toward us. With the exception of a few people and instances, I haven't spoken with most of them in over 14 years. And that was not my choice. I'm not sure if they felt they had to show my dad loyalty or what, but it was basically like we no longer existed to them. I guess I can understand them not wanting to speak or see my mom anymore, but my brothers and I shouldn't have been included in that freeze.

In the past few years with the huge growth in facebook (remember when you had to be in college to join??) I've gotten friend requests from that side of the family. Mostly cousins at first. Which I had no problem with. Lately though Aunts and Uncles have been sending a friend request. That's were things get awkward. These are people I haven't really spoken to since I was a teenager. Why all of a sudden do they want to reach out to me?

Now I really have no problems with any of them. I can see why they cut themselves off like that. It was a nasty divorce, and my brothers and I do not have a relationship with my dad. That makes it really awkward for them to reach out to us. And normally I wouldn't mind accepting these requests, but some of these people act like spies sometimes and report back to my dad everything they learn about us.

It's creepy and uncomfortable. There is a reason I don't talk to my dad, and I hate that they try to find out whatever they can to report back to him. It makes me feel really uncomfortable. I don't really know how to go about telling these people for them to respect me and not do that. They are his family. Plus it's facebook, so it's not a face to face conversation. It's just weird.

I've accepted these requests because I don't want to look like a bitch. (I seriously have issues sometimes) However if I ever get really uncomfortable I'll be unfriending them. I'm just not ready for my dad to know that much about my life.

Also on that note, I still haven't sent that letter to my dad yet. I'm not sure I really want to reach out again like that. I was so hurt the last time I did. I really keep on going back and forth. So for now it'll stay in my drafts folder until I'm 100% sure either way.


Karen said...

I guess if you are comfortable in who you are, you shouldn't care if your dad finds out (second hand) what you are up to. He should feel the guilt of missing out on how great you are. But that is all in great in theory. I know that in real life that is so not the way things work.

It is a sticky situation. But don't be afraid to look like a bitch to people who haven't given a crap about your in 10+ years. :-)

Jamie said...

Sorry to intrude, but i totally know how you feel! I keep getting these friend request on Facebook from family I don't talk to or have never even met! It's so awkward-I don't want them to know my life, but I don't want to seem rude. I have left their requests pending for months..hah. But anyways, just wanted you to know your not alone in this facebook-technology-overload-crazyness-crap :)

Margaret (Peggy or Peg too) said...

I hate facebook but I think I am the only 1 in the world. I don't like that if someone is on everyone that is a friend knows you are online. I hate that it is so high school like in the sense that you have to "be friends" with someone and if not there are reprocussions. C'mon we're adults.
Say what you want, do what you want and do it with respect. If they can't handle it well you know....:-)

Now having said that I am not so sure there is a way to get around any of this Carolyn. Someone is may get pissed. Hence why I don't participate in facebook. I didn't like this aspect of high school either.

I blocked someone from my blog. It worked for 3 weeks. Now she is back with all her snarky bigoted comments so now I will tell her to please stop coming around. I'll let ya know how that works out.

I wish you the best in this one.