Thursday, August 13, 2009

A closed chapter

I have mentioned in the past that I no longer have a relationship with my dad. While I am no longer sad or have any regrets about the entire situation, people still feel the need to bring the subject up all the time. I don’t know if they just don’t believe me that I am fine or just can’t understand the situation, but it really gets on my nerves after a while.

Especially if people KNOW I don’t talk to him anymore and feel the need to ask if I’ve spoken to him lately or how is he doing. When people say things to me I feel like they are saying it to make me feel guilty, or are looking down at me for being such a terrible person for not speaking with him.

I try my best to diffuse the situation but I don’t really know how to get these people to just stop asking me. It’s a closed chapter in my life, one that I don’t feel the need to have to defend all the time.

My mother seems to be the worst offender when it comes to bringing him up. She knows how I feel and yet she keeps on “trying” to get me to talk to him. Which is complete bullshit because she honestly couldn’t be happier that he is out of my life. I don’t understand why she has to do that.

Like yesterday she told that it was his birthday and maybe I should call him or something. Maybe I should send him a gift? Umm are you serious??? I feel like she only brought it up to get a rise out of me.
She puts on this fa├žade with our family and friends about how she wants me to have a relationship with him but I know that is a complete lie. Many times has she told me about what she thinks of him. Trust me though, that’s not the reason him and me don’t speak anymore. It’s a looonnnggg story.

Also, when I was trying to have a relationship with him back in college I visited him during spring break. Because I actually had an okay time instead of wanting to kill myself, which is what she secretly wanted, she got so mad at me that she did not speak to me for almost 2 months!! I’m not even exaggerating.

Why does she have to keep on bringing that whole subject up? I’ve tried many times to get her to understand how it makes me feel but she doesn’t seem to grasp it. She seems to think that I have all these issues and anger toward him but that’s not true. I’ve completely forgiven him, not for him but so I could finally move on with my life. It’s just that I’m happier with him out of my life than when he is in it. He tended to make me miserable and feel awful about myself. I didn’t need that so I walked away.

I know it’s a tough situation but I wish it could just be left alone. I’m fine and I have never once regretted the fact that I no longer have a dad in my life anymore.

I wish people would get that and stop thinking I’m lying when I say that.


erin - heart in ireland said...

I'm sorry about your mom and everyone else, it just seems weird to bring that up, especially if they know.

It sounds like you are happy with your decision, so don't let other people's opinions bother you, as you are the only one who knows the whole story.

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry to hear about this too. Stay strong in your beliefs and maybe tell your mom more sternly how you feel about her bringing this up? People should take the hint and stop asking you about him.

Karen said...

Sorry that you are upset by people asking you about your dad. But at the same time, it is probably difficult for anyone to understand that you "over it". I mean, there are dads who molest their children and who beat moms and the children STILL strive to maintain a relationship of sorts with the dad. I think it is hard for someone who isn't in your shoes to understand how you can walk away and be ok. A lot of us view our love for a parent as unconditional and could never have no relationship with parent - no matter how terrible he/she was.

Especially someone like me who has lost a parent. Whether it is right or not, I can honestly say that I look at people like you and think how crazy you are to have the opportunity to have your parent in your live and you don't take it, when I would give anything for one day with my parent who is dead.

Anyway, we all approach things with our own pasts and priorities. If you are sure about your choice, don't let other who question that upset you.

'Megan' said...

Some people - doesn't matter who they are - are just better being out rather than in.