Overweight. So as you may know I am going on vacation in less than 2 weeks. While I am super excited and cannot wait for this trip, I am absolutely dreading the flight. Now I debated if I should even make a post or not. You see for some reason I have a paralyzing fear that someone will read my blog and realize who I am. So scared that I don’t even use my real name. Which is ridiculous because the purpose of this blog was to help me figure things out and work through them. How am I going to do that if I won’t even write about the real stuff? So with deep breaths and a leap of faith I will talk about what has been bothering me for weeks now.
So yes as you may realize from my headline I am an overweight person. I’m not huge, but I when I shop I defiantly need to go into the plus sized department. A lot of people would be shocked to find out how much I weigh. Apparently I “carry my weight well”. Whatever that means. Anyway, I am so nervous that when the time comes to fly I will need a seat extender for my seat belt. I have never had to use one before, but I haven’t flown in 2 years so I’m really nervous. Even though I am the same size since the last time I flew, I have gained weight. Which doesn’t really make sense, but it’s true nonetheless. I realize that it won’t be the end of the world and it shouldn’t really be that big of a deal. But I fear for the humiliation that will come with that request.
The humiliation I would get would be from the fact that I will have to ask for this in front of my friends. My friends who are insanely skinny and for some strange reason still think I can shop at stores like the Gap and American Eagle. Their realization that I am so much bigger then them will be more than I can handle.
Also, when I was younger my mom always had to ask for an extender. Each time she did this, I would be embarrassed, for her and for myself. She hated having to ask for one and that look in her eyes when she had to ask was heartbreaking. I would always say to myself that I will NEVER let that happen to me. But here I am, with the fear that this will be the day that it will finally happen. And so while my friends keep talking about everything we will do when we arrive, I am freaking out about the plane ride. I know I should just suck it up, but I can’t seem to let it go. Chances are, I will not need one. But there is a chance, however small it may be, that I will have to get one. I don’t even really know how to handle that situation. Knowing the person that I am, I will probably cry. But than again, maybe it will be the push I need to get myself healthy again. I just really needed to write my fears down, so they can hopefully stop plaguing me 24/7.