Lately I feel like I have nothing to blog about. Which is strange because last week was kind of a crazy week for me and I still didn’t feel that it was blog worthy. Also a lot of it had to do with work and if I talked about the one thing I wanted to talk about you could figure out where I work. That sentence just made zero sense to you. Moving on.
I think what may be the problem is that I’m starting to accept my very bland life. I hate that it is happening but I can’t seem to stop it. Yes I still hate my job, but at the same the company has really nice perks and the girl I’m sitting next to is becoming a good acquaintance. We’re not quite friends, but we are work buddies. That makes the day suck just a little bit less. Also, I’m not looking for a job. Every time I do there very little out there and what I can find doesn’t really interest me. It was depressing, so I’ve stopped. I told myself that I will start seriously searching again in September when things pick up and there are more jobs. I am very afraid that October will roll around, I will have no job, and I will have been working at this place for 1 year! I really don’t want that to happen. Even if I am starting to like the people a little more and I don’t feel like killing myself in the morning I know that this isn’t what I want to do for the rest of my life.
The question still remains. What do I want to do??? I still have no idea. How is that possible??????? I am getting really upset about this. I feel like a lot of people say this but I don’t believe them. Even if they don’t know what they want to do, most have an idea or a direction that they will start at. I don’t have an idea. I have like 10 ideas. Maybe I’m a nomad and will just end up jumping from job to job. I really don’t want to do that. Why can’t I just be normal and pick something and stay with it.
I’ve been seriously considering going back to school for a masters. Yes it will cost me a lot more money, but at the same time it will help me clear my head and figure out what I want to do. Now there are 2 options. Option one go and get my masters in Social Work. It’s something that I’ve always wanted to do and I think I would do well in that field. Option two is go to school for photography. I love taking pictures and want to learn as much as I can about it. I’m afraid that I would either suck at it or have a really hard time getting a job in it. I don’t know what to do. I also keep going back to wanting to work at either a makeup company or doing makeup for weddings. AHHHHHH. You see?? I literally can’t make up my mind. I was only supposed to put 2 options and I ended with 3. If I had not realized this I probably would have kept going. I need help. I just wish someone would tell me what to do. I obviously cannot pick my own future.
I thought by writing this post I would have more clarity about things, but have now ended up more frustrated then ever. Maybe this is why I haven’t wanted to write in a while. I was pushing this down and my mind decided to just ignore all this and pretend that everything is okay. IT IS NOT. I need to stop being lazy and figure out what the hell I am doing with my life.