Exactly one year ago I started this job. I cannot believe that I have been here for a whole year. I didn’t think I would still be here. I realized this place wasn’t for me within a month of starting here. I promised myself that I would be out in six months. That never happened. Life got in the way. The economy went into the crapper and I couldn’t figure out what to do next. So instead of actively looking for a job, I got scared and I just continued working.
I’m still scared and I still don’t know what to do next. Which is why I’m still not actively searching. Sure, I send out a resume here and there but my heart isn’t into it. I’m really scared that I will still be here come next year. I am stuck and I don’t know what to do.
I really wish that I could just snap out of this and figure out what the hell I should be doing. I need more time to figure this out. However, I don’t really have time to figure it out when I am gone from 7:30 in the morning to 8:30 at night. I’m so busy with this job that I can’t see straight.
I’m really tempted to go back to school. But I don’t know what I should do. I have some ideas, but I’m afraid I will pick the wrong major. Like I did last time. I know that working in this field is not for me. The typical 9-5 job, or in my case 10-7, is not for me. I do not want to sit in front of a computer anymore.
I need to talk this out with someone but I really don’t know who or even how. It cannot be my mother because we are so opposite. I know EXACTLY what she will say to me and it’s not what I want. She can’t just listen and give output. Instead she interrupts and criticizes. I’ve tried that and I’m not trying again. I can talk to my friends, but they are either in a career that they love and wouldn’t understand or they are just as lost as me. ARRGH. I am so frustrated about this and this day makes it that much worse.
I did not want to still be here after a year. But here I am. Now I feel like there is a ticking bomb just waiting to go off. I feel more pressure then ever to figure out my next move and just do it already. If I want to go back to school, I would need to have if settled really soon if I wanted to start in January. If I go the other way and just try to find a new job, I don’t want to be here any longer then necessary.
I have a lot to figure out, and not a lot of time to do it. I had no idea this would be so hard and frustrating. I thought my twenties were going to be amazing and carefree. Turns out there is a lot of work involved.